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Yet another talk by Bobby about dating. Why can't they let me alone? I hated listening to such things le... Pastor talked about this. Prime minister talked about this. Bobby talked about this. I want to reject this. I don't want to hear it anymore. I getting sick over such stuff le.

Few days ago, my cell group leader wanted to talk to us. He mentioned that after SOT, he would want to talk to us about some stuff he observed. Each time when he said that, my heart dropped. Again, another scolding. Sometimes I feel that God is a angry God up there. I think partially is due to this too. But anyway, that is not the main point. Discipleship is indeed a process that all of us have to go through to get to maturity. Somehow, I feel that I might drop out on the journey. And at that time, it may be too late to apologise for anything le.

The joy of the Lord has left me since I don't totally trust you le. My innermost desire has been crushed, shattered and destroyed. Dreams are gone, no matter is teaching or having a relationship. No matter what people says, I can't reconcile myself anymore le.

Sometimes, I was there thinking:

Melvin is spiritual, humorous and intellectual. Why aren't girls liking him? My guess is that there is, but just that girls on par with him are few, way too few le.

Eujean is humorous, has a good heart. Many girls like him. I got someone to share that she has a very good impression of him when she met him for the first time.

Aaron has a fit body and willing to help whenever there is needed. Why will he and his ex break up?

The few guys I mention above are way way way much better than me, no matter is appearance or spiritual. There are so many people who are better than me. No wonder my case is the rejected case. If I can count the cases, I think maybe a 4 digit number le... Haha...

If I want to talk objective about myself, the good points are:

1) You know how to speak Japanese

Indeed, it looks like a plus. But it is not. Mine is a JLPT 4, a very simple basic conversational Japanese. I can't even translate what Yah lan wants to ask the Japanese. I need to enlist the help of Nicole. When the Japanese ministry comes up, I wonder what help I can offer to Naomi. Sigh!

2) Your mathematics is good

This is the only point that I think I am really good in. But when girls know that I major in Mathematics, their response is always very typical. "Oh, I hate maths in secondary school." So typical answer. To get to like me, I personally think that it is similar to asking them to like Maths.

3) You are intellectual

Haha... whenever someone says I am intellectual, I will think in my heart that, "Thank you for the compliment, but in actual fact, I am not. I am just someone who likes to reason. Information stored in my brain are all useless.

"What do you know about cars?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the latest fashion?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the current affairs?"
Hmm.. How to say huh?

What I have in my brain are all: We live in a solar system, where we have 8 planets and a sun. and blah blah blah...

So what good points do I have that can appeal to girls? None.

Oh, suddenly remember one more guy.
He writes in his blog that no one likes him. No one wants him to be her bf. I don't think so.
I liked this girl. She liked him. I liked another girl. She also liked him.
It is not that he doesn't have the choices, it is just that he doesn't want them at all.

Going to sleep ...
Transforming back to PC again...

Pastor always says to do what I am good at.
I am good in mathematics. But I am not good in talking. I think from today onwards, I am not going to talk so much le. This is really a fake Alex. I am just doing for the sake of doing.

Sleeping ...

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My once good friend, Marcus is getting married le... Congrats to him... Though I feel quite uncomfortable since his wife to be is my ex girlfriend. Before jumping to any conclusions, he and her dated long long long time after she and I parted off in our separate ways. When he says that he wanna pass the card to me, I was there thinking whether I should take anot. Maybe I will take but I don't think I am that comfortable to go since I have been to another one's wedding. And that made me totally totally uncomfortable.

Actually wanna complain more, pity myself more. But I think for me, I will bury all these, put it in my heart and see how things go. I really not in the mood of anything le. Even when I am going to graduate from SOT, I am not as excited as what I thought I should be. I do hope that my application to the Japan embassy will be successful and my parents agree to it. In that way, I can leave here and go Japan for 1 year.

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Asked her out. But rejected. Actually, I think she might know something le. But then she and I really don't have any connections at all. We don't talk on the phone but always msn each other. Few weeks le. Knowing her more. But realise that the distance between her and me can never get close.

I cried once more. Hurt not because I was broken by the grace of God. But broken by the circumstances that I am facing.

If I am to like someone, what are the chances of her liking me?

Almost equivalent to zero percent.

It is sad, but it is true.

She might not even know this. In the midst of talking to her on msn, I was writing this.

But I don't blame anyone lah.

If I start from appearances, I am thin. Real thin. I saw myself on this video of me preaching. Oh no, it is so horrible. I thought I am seeing a walking stick camel. My hunchback is so obvious. No wonder, for the first impression, girls don't really be attracted to me la... Cause I am so so so not pleasing to the eye.

If I start from communications, I don't talk a lot. I listen. But I don't talk. I realise that I am similar to Pastor on this fact. I will talk a lot when I have to. Tuition, birthday celebrations or motivating people. Or else I will just shut up. Cause I don't have any intelligient topics 2 talk about..

If I start from character, God knows how bad I am in the inside. I might appear ok on the outside but I am still bad. Sometimes I wonder whether I am a good testimony.

In the session, I was asked to write few names. There is this name I want to write. But I don't dare to. Why would I want to write? I have been rejected. Do I want to be rejected again?

Alex, have you noticed that I have never been a real success in relationships?

I have never been and I might never have been.

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More pictures taken from Eujean camera ...

YL zone...
Team 27 ...

Common identity - Team 27

Part 2

Part 3

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From Friday to Sunday, I went for mission trip at Batam.

Me and this taiwanese girl ( I dunno her name )Me and Jennifer ( Beauty Pegeant Champion of Batam Emerge 08 )

SOT Melvin helpers and Melvin

Me, eujean and Hiroshi on our return trip to Singapore

Me and my new attire

Choir, BVs, and the Musicians

Me and Taiwanese student, Peirong - She is a potential cell group leader of Pastor's Wayne's church.

Taiwanese students, Peiling and Ya Ge and Me - order from left

Me and Alexander ( He is the security IC - Don't mess with him )

Me and Hayato

Me n YingKathy and I - She wants to pose with my weight being 45 kg

Me and the Singapore flag

Golden lampstand - being shown practically to me

The glory of God

It is so bright which my hp camera cannot take. I think only Aaron's camera might have the chance to take

Me and Qiuling

Melvin and I

Fiona and Wenshan - Wenshan is doing her makeup

The breakfast at Grand Park hotel

The ceiling of the Church

The stage of the Church

Banners are hung all around the Church

It even has a second floor

More banners

Indeed, it is the House of Prayer for all nations

On our way to Church

Just left Batam checkpoint

I and Wenshan on a ferry to Batam

Singapore looks so small now

Team 27 on our way to Batam!

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Sometimes I feel so lonely, not alone. But lonely. This feeling comes so strong I sometimes want to be alone, thinking things which I don't know what I am thinking about. I would think over the things I have learnt, the things which people has asked me, the things which I dunno about. I would just think and think. It is not a good habit. Because to think without acting wastes efforts.

But I think that the main point is lonely. So what if I like a girl? It would take me a long long time to know her and her to know me. And moreover, I don't even fit into her any one of the criteria. If someone gonna give me advice on this, I think I appreciate the effort. But pls don't. I heard many times and many people have heard or seen this le. I just want to complain somewhere online... to make my feelings known. But it will still turn out void in the end.

Good night!

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Yesterday, I went to FOP 2008. ( Festival of Praise 2008 ). What is this festival? It is a festival whereby churches gather to a place to praise and worship God, leaving behind denominations, leaving behind differences between churches. All we want is just to praise and worship our Great God. It is a good event. In fact, it should be encouraged for all churches to attend FOP.

Before I joined the queue, I went to Leisure park with Jeremy. And I was there playing my favourite basketball arcade with him. This is the first time I scored so high. So behold my score...

I joined the queue at around 4.30 pm and FOP starts at 7.30 pm. But it is a crowd of multitudes waiting to go in le...

I also took picture with Omega, the lead worship singer of Parachute Band.

One of their songs :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB1PJc8mU9s