270607 ( Part 2 )

Today I was commented angrily by my superior. She asked me to do some v lookup stuff. Boy was I stumped. I thought I can handle it in a few mins. Mins become hours sia. I have to keep on asking her how to do this do that. Sianz.. But anyway, in the end, when I finish it, I thought the comment from her is too difficult for me to understand.

"Where do you link this entry to?"
"How come the file is at the "desktop"?"

I was like "huh?" Nothing wrong mah.

She said that it is not proper file management.

I thought to myself y not since it is still in my computer mah.

270607

When I went to lunch just now, I heard on the radio that Chen Yi Xun wanted to quit smoking. He has been smoking for 12 years. Daily two packs. Why did he want to quit?

Not cause of health reasons.
Not cause of family reasons.
Not cause of financial reasons.

But the reason he quoted out amazes me.

"If I can't even commit to no smoking, how valuable are my promises n commitments to others?"

I would never have thought in this way. It is certainly a revelation to me. If I can't even commit to the things I should have committed, why should I think that I can commit to having a lifelong relationship with a girlfriend or a wife?

200607 - Part 2

When there is a fire, it is that little spark which ignites the fire.

Passion, similar to fuel, keeps the fire going.

However, after pondering and mediating upon the Word, it seems that spark and passion is just the foundational level.

After fellowshipping with a friend, I don’t want to be led by emotions when I worship God. Worship is surrendering to Him, irregardless of my emotions.

If spark and passion is just the foundation, then what keeps the fire going perpetually? It is the revelation of who God is.

The apostles all have bible study with Jesus Christ, drove the demons away, healed the sick and evangelise to so many people. But in the end, they went back to their ownselves when Jesus was crucified.

But after a revelation of who He is, they have this overwhelming passion for God. That passion cannot be explain naturally. Because it is not even from man. But from God. I believe that passion is good. But Revelation is the ultimate goal that each and every one of us must reach.

200607 - Part 1

I have sinned against God so many times. This is not an exception too.

Previously, going to BS to me is, I want to go for it.

But now, when I have tuition commitments, so many people gave me the impression that if I don't go for BS, it seems that I am not spiritually hungry for God.

Yes, no one force me to go. But it has always been the guilty conscience that pricks me. To put it nicely, it is not forcing.

But I also know that whatever is not from faith is sin. God never intends me to be guilty. But I feel so guilty not going.

Many people also think that my tuition commitments are too many.
"Can you come for this day?"
"Errh... Sorry, I can't. I have tuition. "

And because it seems too many, I tried to restructure it. Tried to combine my students or something. Boy, do I get a violent reaction from parents and students. Now, I have one less student le. Because of the restructuring. Seems that everything I did is going to waste.

I don't even know whether anyone understands that my tuition is not only there for my finance but it helps my teaching skills. After I teach, I will reflect upon my teaching. If I am going to teach next time, am I going to teach in this way? Or should I put more examples? Or should I elaborate more? But I doubt anyone understands. All people can see is the surface. You have so less time to commit to this and that. You are simply not hungry for God.

Because of work + tuition, I don't even have time for my family except Sun night. Now I restructure it. No time for BS. Sianz... In the past, I help to solve other people's problems. Now, I can't even solve my own problem. No wonder none of my friends wanna come to church.

Monday - ACCA
Tuesday - ACCA
Wednesday - Family
Thursday - CG
Friday - Tuition Kenneth + Vick + Joel ( Tampines St 12 )
Saturday - 1030 to 1300 : Japanese lesson
1500 to 2300 : CHC
Sunday - 1100 to 1300 : Tuition Edward + Kay Chien ( Sengkang )
140o to 1600 : Tuition Zhijie + Zhiying + Kok Leong ( Pasir Ris )
1600 to 1700 : Tuition Fayth ( Pasir Ris )

Does it seem a lot? Might be.

Recently, I helped out during the Emerge. I have great fun in it. Because I know that I am pouring my life to the Japanese though my communication with them is limited. But I know that I want to reach out to them. I want to know to speak more japanese. But I don't feel any support for me. Since I came till pastor says that we are going Japan, that period of time, it is frustrating for me. I want to speak more Japanese because I need to practise. What I got is " Can you stop it? I don't understand. "

Of course, the earth does not revolve around me. But I just want to pen something down here. It might be soon that I will no longer go back.

"Unless you give me a revelation of who You are, all these things seem to be futile."

110607

Thought :

What is the shortest verse in the Bible? He wept. Short and simple. As I was meditating on this verse, pondering and thinking over it, it is not as simple as it seems. It is in reality a simplification of the longest range of emotions any human has experienced.

Is he sad?
Of course, he is. A companion and his cousin. Just departed like that.

Is he happy?
I guess the answer is yes. John has finally fulfilled his purpose on earth which is to prepare the people for Jesus.

Is he angry?
Definitely. He might even feel revengeful. That King Herod has beheaded his cousin all because of a girl.

Is he disappointed?
Might be. The appointment which he might have promised won't come to pass anymore on earth.

There are simply too much emotions that our Lord Jesus might have felt. Two words sums all these up. He wept.


Thought :

The word of God is like the glass bottom. Without a strong foundation, you can't lead a victorious life.

Psalms 33:6
By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, And all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.

Love is like the glass walls.

1 Cor 13:13
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

The Holy Spirit, who dwells in you, who is with you always, comes to pour power in your glass.

Acts 1:8
But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Power is like the liquid in the glass. Without a strong glass bottom and the walls, no matter how much the Holy Spirit tries to pour power in your glass, you will still be powerless.

Amazing thought. It is a revelation for that day on 090607.

090607

An update of the videos that has been posted on Youtube for Emerge 2007 :

Tank first song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2V0tpHRTBc

Tank second song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No0optHCyik

Liu Geng Hong - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0yRivjAQwo

080607

Actually wanted to pen my thoughts for sometime but I keep on pushing and postponing. Finally, got the chance to write it down on my blog.

But anyway, got my hp to support me. Ha ha...

Thought as at few days back :

When I saw Jody on stage winning the hosting competition in Emerge, I felt how much she has grown, I was with her in children church. I saw her host before. Not that impressive. But now she has been in SOT. Winning the competition. Goes to show how much she has grown. 2 years le. How much have I grown? I don't see myself growing that much. As I reflect, I can sense the inferiority in me rising up again. But I got to tell myself that even the sparrows have value in God's kingdom. Who am I to doubt His words?

Situation yesterday :

I received a telephone call yesterday. The tuition agency is going to charge me $140 for not turning up at my first tuition assignment given to me. They do not want to accept my reason for mixing up the number that I have been given. Sigh!

Thought as at 3.50 pm:

Nowhere to turn to. I can't call up anyone for this. My heart is grieved now. Felt so much pain. Have you ever wanting to cry but you can't? My friend's relative passed away. He is a close friend. And I know the relative. So to me, it is some sort of a double blow. Why does it have to happen now? Ok, wrong phrasing. It shouldn't happen. But anyway, I can't think straight now. I can't even concentrate well @ work. Pushed away all my tuition assignments for today and tomorrow. Though I am now really REALLY in lack of money due to the above situation, I know that I have to keep on keeping on. To walk. I might have less tuition assignments but what is most important is that I can be there when he is down. That, I feel is the MOST important for now.

I have started work!

For those who are besides me will know that I have started work le.

I am now a contract data analyst for 6 months at Philips Electronics. Basically, my tasks is to handle invoices and purchase orders. Still quite manageable. The learning curve here is definitely not as steep as Citigroup Private Bank.

Yup, this is me doing my stuff. Behind me are the invoices and stuff that I have to handle. Quite a lot, right? Hee....