201008

Went out with Peixi for dinner today.
Before I met her, I was at my tuition place. I had a conversation with my student.

You going out later?

Yup.

Girlfriend? Hee...

No la, she has boyfriend le.

Wah... you meet her one to one?

Ya... of course...

Her boyfriend won't get jealous?

Huh? No la, I don't think so. Why would he?

Because you meeting her girlfriend?

Huh? I feel that this is quite childish way of thinking rite?

If I am him, I will wack u up.

Huh? It is not as if I am meeting her at somewhere secluded mah...

So?

Hmm... ok... ( puzzled )

I narrated this conversation to Peixi, thinking that she will agree with me. She said that she will agree with what my student says. It is not a good thing to meet regularly. But the wacking part is quite stupid bah.

I was quite stunned by the response. To me, I thought it is quite ok. She asked me back whether I will mind my girlfriend meeting other guys regularly. I told her that it is ok bah. She replied, saying that because I don't have any, that is why I would say ok.

Do you really think that it is not ok to meet guys or gals regularly? Even though it is just pure friendship?

181008

Casting Nets

Yesterday, I went to prawn fishing at Bottletree Park. It is quite an experience. I fished up a prawn and the prawn went up on the tree because I yanked it too high and up on the tree it is. Ha ha.. such a dramatic scene that I have made yesterday. At the same time, when we are fishing, ( Gillian, Gant, Sarah, Sam and I ), I thought of what Eujean has said.

"Yah Lan told me that Jesus said that we are casting nets to fish men and not using a fishing rod."

Indeed, using a fishing rod is a one by one action. In fact, it is just a simple process of addition.
But when we cast nets, it is by multiplication.

I checked on the Internet especially Wikipedia about casting nets.

Contemporary cast nets have a radius which ranges from 4 to 12 feet (1.2 to 3.6 metres). Only strong people can manually lift the larger nets once they are filled with fish. The standard size for recreational fishing is four feet. Weights are usually distributed around the edge at about one pound per foot (1.5 kilograms per metre). Attached to the net is a landline, which is a line held by hand when the net is thrown. A retrieval clamp, sometimes called a thimble, closes the net when it is full. The net is retrieved by pulling on the landline. The retrieval clamp works like a wringer on a mop, and closes the net. The net is lifted into a bucket and the clamp is released, dumping the caught fish into the bucket.
Cast nets work best in water no deeper than their radius. Casting is best done in waters free of obstructions. Reeds cause tangles and branches can rip nets. The caster stands holding the net over one arm, with the weights dangling, and with the other hand holding the landline. The line is then thrown out over the water, using both hands, in a circular motion rather as in hammer throwing. The net can be cast from the shore, or by wading, or from a boat.
There are also optional net throwers that can make casting easier. These look like a trash can lid with a handle on top. They have a deep groove around the outside edge. The thrower is loaded with the net around the edges and weights inside the gulley. The net is then tossed into the water using the thrower.

"Only strong people can manually lift the larger nets once they are filled with fish."
- We ourselves have to be "strong" in the inside.

Does that mean that we got to be strong first, then ask our friends?
No, that is not the idea. If it is, then no one can first take the first step. But when we are weak, He makes us strong too. It just means that we must always constantly depend on Him. Praying and fasting is important, at least that is what I see.

"Casting is best done in waters free of obstructions. Reeds cause tangles and branches can rip nets."
- Obstructions from the Devil WILL definitely come. That is why when we ask our friends, our loved ones, it just seem so difficult. Because casting nets must be in waters free of obstructions.

So how do we get the obstructions off?
Definitely, intercession IS important le. Without that, tangles and ripping and conflicts arise.

"The line is then thrown out over the water, using both hands, in a circular motion rather as in hammer throwing."
- Both hands are needed. Because it takes all our effort to love our friends and our family. Circular motion is a "whole" concept. We accept the whole of people and not hammer at the weaknesses of people.

Maybe it seems weird to some people who are reading this post. But this is just a revelation of what I got from prawn fishing yesterday. Thank you, Gillian for inviting me.

And to Janis who read the post before this, thank you for your encouragement. I am better le. :)

141008

Just now had a lunch meeting with a friend. I saw her pale face and asked her what happened. She told me that she had a sleepless night yesterday. So I proceed to ask her why she had a sleepless night.

She told me that it is nothing. So I waited until when we sat down and ate. I asked again.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because I am concerned."

"All these while, I have been staying alone. I have been an independent person. I don't really see the point of sharing. What does sharing do when it doesn't solve a problem?"

"Well, sharing doesn't solve a problem. But it relieves a burden, right? For example, I ask you a Physics question. A mass of 50 kg being supported by a straw. How much pressure does the straw face? If now 4 straws support the same mass of 50 kg, how much pressure will the straws face?"

"Well, if I am a rock, I will want a stronger rock who is more independent than me and can help to solve my problem. A straw can't do that."

"What if it is a metal straw?"

"I never see a metal straw before."

"You have not even seen my heart. How do you know my heart exists?"

"(Mumbling something)"

The conversation ended.

To me, it goes to tell me that I am a person who is not a problem solver. In fact, after what she says, I feel that I am a childish person in my thoughts and ways. That is why I hardly can be a salt and light of the world.

When he asks whether before SOT and after SOT,

"Have we changed?" "I did not see the difference before and after SOT." "Why is that?"

After linking all what he says and what she says, yes, they are right. I have not changed. I am still the same old me. I am still trying to avoid reality.

After my secondary school days, I avoid subjects which need memorising. I memorise the whole entire history textbook in my O-level period before exams and that is considered a big feat to me. Since then, anything that needs memorising, I will try to avoid.

That is why after reading so many books, none of the knowledge I can fully utilise. Because I did not even try to put it into my mind.

I tried to avoid family gatherings. That is where big time persecution comes. You can feel the rejection straight away.

When I watch Naruto, I can identify with him. But I am not as strong as him.

I tried to avoid friend gatherings.

"What are you working as?"

"Full time tutor."

"Oh."

The things which they say are so irrelevant to me. I can't discuss or share my insights.

Why are you not bringing friends to church?"

Each time I hear that, I wanted to say: "That is because I have no friends that I can bring."

I am still a selfish me. I can never attain the level I want to be.

Sometimes, I thought to myself, why can't I bring friends?

That is because all these while, I seem nice natured. Christianity has not brought any changing transformations to my nature.

But what they are seeing now is a person who still wants to cling on to his dreams without letting go to the reality that we are facing now. Why would they want to come? Since this is what Christianity brings.

But after today, I told myself that I want to be strong in my mind. My body may be physically weak but my mind must be strong, very strong.

Many people asked me why I can't eat more to be fatter. I also don't know why. But after my operation when I was 3 days old, I never have a chance to grow fat. And even right now, my stomach don't feel well. No one knows how I feel in my body now, not even my parents.

Few times a day, I will feel a pain in my sides. At first, I ignored it. But it seems worse and worse. Fearing the worst, I went to see the doctor. Thank God that it is not liver or kidney cancer. But he says that it could be the winds that is causing the pain. But I can check if I want.

For the time being, I just see how things go.

131008

Just realise that my friend is one of the choices for the Top Entrepreneur of the Year 2008 in Asia. Wow... Been a great honour to know her.

Aileen Sim
http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/10/1008_asia_young_entrepreneurs/22.htm

071008

Hopes gone, Dreams shattered!

Today, I really really really want to give a good report of today's interview but sigh! Now, I just want to vent out all my frustrations by writing down bah...

In the morning about 6 am, I woke up excited... Today is the day that my destiny could be changed. My dreams of 12 years could be fulfilled which is being a teacher. And which school is that? NUS High School. Wow... Haha... Super super excited.. Before I went off to the interview, I even had a slight stomachache because I was too super nervous le... But it is ok... I took cab down, praying and hoping that the traffic is smooth. Thank God that it is smooth.

So in the end, I reached around 9.50 am for the 10 am interview. I passed my identity card to the female security officer. Then I exchanged for the visitor pass and went in. Woah...

At the reception counter, I told a person that I am here for the interview. The person told me that she is a visitor. Oops... After that, I realised that she is a parent. So I told the receptionist that I am here for the interview. She was puzzled. I told her that I am looking for Mr Tan. She was puzzled again. I was like: "Huh? You don't even know that there is an interview for Mr Tan." Later she turned around and asked her colleagues. She then asked me whether I am Mr Alex. "Yup, I am" ( The Naruto grin and smile ). Another colleague came and asked for my certificates. I passed all of them to her and she asked me to wait for Mr Tan to come.

Mr Tan came. He is the assistant head of the Mathematics Department. He told me that there would be two interviews. If I have passed through his first interview, I have to pass through another round of interview with the senior management. I was like "wow..." I went into the meeting room 2.

I took a seat. He said that today, I will be knowing about the school and he knowing about me. So I am prepared for the interview le as I have read much of the website. He flipped through my resume, qualifications.

"Why did you apply for NUS High?"

"I wanted to teach. Teaching has been my passion since I am 15. In my JC, I studied Maths. In Uni, I studied Maths. All for the aim of being a teacher one day."

"Why did you not apply for mainstream teaching? Hmm... Like NIE?"

"I did apply. I went to contract teaching. The teacher who assessed me, felt that I have a good student rapport, quite ok teaching style but I lack classroom management experience. But since then, I went to full time tutoring. Taught many students. Even went to Colombia Business School to teach mathematics. So ya..."

"Then did you apply again?"

"Yes, I did. But I have never passed through the interviews."

"Why is that so?"

"Hmm... The same reason as in there are a lot of applicants."

"Have you considered to do Masters?"

"Yup. I applied for Masters in NUS. But I lacked two years of relevant experience. So the application was not successful. But I am also planning to do PHD if it is possible."

"What kind of PHD?"

"Research."

"Oh, why not coursework?"

"I thought that research is more interesting."

"From your transcript, you studied applied mathematics. Which level do you think you can teach?"

"Level 1 to 2 perhaps."

"Can you teach A level maths?"

"I believe with one to two days of revision, I should be able to."

"This school specialises in teaching mathematics and science. The students are a gifted lot. By year 6, they might graduate with a masters. Can you handle that? As in, expand their potential."

"I am sure I can."

"The teachers here mentor students in research. What kind of research will u be leading them?"

"Research? Hmm... ( Shucks, I never prepare this kind of question. God, help me now...) Maybe, I can lead them to research in network optimisation?"

"More specific?"

"Non-linear programming. As in the number of ways from one place to the another place on a non-euclidean geometry plane. ( Shucks, what am I talking? Bullshitting la... )

"Hmm... ok. ( puzzled look ). "Which level do you want to lead your students about the research?"

"Hmm.. Year 3?"

"Ok, the syllabus here are quite modular based. What kind of teaching will u teach?"

"Trigonometry?"

"You like trigonometry?"

"Yup, in fact I like the proving of identities. My university professor taught us about a proof which is why 1 + 1 = 2"

"Do you have any questions that you want to know about the school?"

"Hmm.. How are the programmes like?"

"NUS High School is a school which specialises in mathematics and science. It is quite a demanding school. In fact, we have students in year 3 who are taking university year 3 modules."

"Oh, (soft wow...)"

"Hmm... from your resumes, you don't have much credentials. And you don't have a teaching qualifcation. This school, you plan your own scheme of work, unlike mainstream schools."

"The advertisement says that I can still apply without a teaching qualification. And I have taught in Saint Gabriel before."

"Yup, it does say that you can apply. But comparing with the other candidates, hmm... What have you learnt from Saint Gabriel?"

"I have learnt to design my lessons based on the scheme of work. I have assisted in CCA such as floorball."

"What kind of CCA are you interested in?"

"NPCC?"

"Oh, uniformed group?"

"Yes, in fact, even interact club or rotaract club also ok. Charity based organisation."

"Ok. Do you have any other questions regarding the school?"

"Not actually."

"Ok, thank you Alex. (Standing up.)

"Last question. Have you applied for other schools other than this school?"

"Yes, I did. SOTA."

"School of arts, teaching maths?"

"Yup."

"How about the schools which bypassed the A levels?"

"I have applied for ACS."

"Independent?"

"Yup."

"But I will be most interested in teaching here since I am majoring in mathematics and this is a good school to teach."

"Yup, if you have been successful, you will be notified. Bye."

"Bye."

(Turning to the security guard)

"How is the interview?"

"Sigh! Don't think it is successful."

"Pray hard."

"Thank you."

And so I left with a heavy heart....