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Yet another talk by Bobby about dating. Why can't they let me alone? I hated listening to such things le... Pastor talked about this. Prime minister talked about this. Bobby talked about this. I want to reject this. I don't want to hear it anymore. I getting sick over such stuff le.

Few days ago, my cell group leader wanted to talk to us. He mentioned that after SOT, he would want to talk to us about some stuff he observed. Each time when he said that, my heart dropped. Again, another scolding. Sometimes I feel that God is a angry God up there. I think partially is due to this too. But anyway, that is not the main point. Discipleship is indeed a process that all of us have to go through to get to maturity. Somehow, I feel that I might drop out on the journey. And at that time, it may be too late to apologise for anything le.

The joy of the Lord has left me since I don't totally trust you le. My innermost desire has been crushed, shattered and destroyed. Dreams are gone, no matter is teaching or having a relationship. No matter what people says, I can't reconcile myself anymore le.

Sometimes, I was there thinking:

Melvin is spiritual, humorous and intellectual. Why aren't girls liking him? My guess is that there is, but just that girls on par with him are few, way too few le.

Eujean is humorous, has a good heart. Many girls like him. I got someone to share that she has a very good impression of him when she met him for the first time.

Aaron has a fit body and willing to help whenever there is needed. Why will he and his ex break up?

The few guys I mention above are way way way much better than me, no matter is appearance or spiritual. There are so many people who are better than me. No wonder my case is the rejected case. If I can count the cases, I think maybe a 4 digit number le... Haha...

If I want to talk objective about myself, the good points are:

1) You know how to speak Japanese

Indeed, it looks like a plus. But it is not. Mine is a JLPT 4, a very simple basic conversational Japanese. I can't even translate what Yah lan wants to ask the Japanese. I need to enlist the help of Nicole. When the Japanese ministry comes up, I wonder what help I can offer to Naomi. Sigh!

2) Your mathematics is good

This is the only point that I think I am really good in. But when girls know that I major in Mathematics, their response is always very typical. "Oh, I hate maths in secondary school." So typical answer. To get to like me, I personally think that it is similar to asking them to like Maths.

3) You are intellectual

Haha... whenever someone says I am intellectual, I will think in my heart that, "Thank you for the compliment, but in actual fact, I am not. I am just someone who likes to reason. Information stored in my brain are all useless.

"What do you know about cars?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the latest fashion?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the current affairs?"
Hmm.. How to say huh?

What I have in my brain are all: We live in a solar system, where we have 8 planets and a sun. and blah blah blah...

So what good points do I have that can appeal to girls? None.

Oh, suddenly remember one more guy.
He writes in his blog that no one likes him. No one wants him to be her bf. I don't think so.
I liked this girl. She liked him. I liked another girl. She also liked him.
It is not that he doesn't have the choices, it is just that he doesn't want them at all.

Going to sleep ...
Transforming back to PC again...

Pastor always says to do what I am good at.
I am good in mathematics. But I am not good in talking. I think from today onwards, I am not going to talk so much le. This is really a fake Alex. I am just doing for the sake of doing.

Sleeping ...