200607 - Part 1

I have sinned against God so many times. This is not an exception too.

Previously, going to BS to me is, I want to go for it.

But now, when I have tuition commitments, so many people gave me the impression that if I don't go for BS, it seems that I am not spiritually hungry for God.

Yes, no one force me to go. But it has always been the guilty conscience that pricks me. To put it nicely, it is not forcing.

But I also know that whatever is not from faith is sin. God never intends me to be guilty. But I feel so guilty not going.

Many people also think that my tuition commitments are too many.
"Can you come for this day?"
"Errh... Sorry, I can't. I have tuition. "

And because it seems too many, I tried to restructure it. Tried to combine my students or something. Boy, do I get a violent reaction from parents and students. Now, I have one less student le. Because of the restructuring. Seems that everything I did is going to waste.

I don't even know whether anyone understands that my tuition is not only there for my finance but it helps my teaching skills. After I teach, I will reflect upon my teaching. If I am going to teach next time, am I going to teach in this way? Or should I put more examples? Or should I elaborate more? But I doubt anyone understands. All people can see is the surface. You have so less time to commit to this and that. You are simply not hungry for God.

Because of work + tuition, I don't even have time for my family except Sun night. Now I restructure it. No time for BS. Sianz... In the past, I help to solve other people's problems. Now, I can't even solve my own problem. No wonder none of my friends wanna come to church.

Monday - ACCA
Tuesday - ACCA
Wednesday - Family
Thursday - CG
Friday - Tuition Kenneth + Vick + Joel ( Tampines St 12 )
Saturday - 1030 to 1300 : Japanese lesson
1500 to 2300 : CHC
Sunday - 1100 to 1300 : Tuition Edward + Kay Chien ( Sengkang )
140o to 1600 : Tuition Zhijie + Zhiying + Kok Leong ( Pasir Ris )
1600 to 1700 : Tuition Fayth ( Pasir Ris )

Does it seem a lot? Might be.

Recently, I helped out during the Emerge. I have great fun in it. Because I know that I am pouring my life to the Japanese though my communication with them is limited. But I know that I want to reach out to them. I want to know to speak more japanese. But I don't feel any support for me. Since I came till pastor says that we are going Japan, that period of time, it is frustrating for me. I want to speak more Japanese because I need to practise. What I got is " Can you stop it? I don't understand. "

Of course, the earth does not revolve around me. But I just want to pen something down here. It might be soon that I will no longer go back.

"Unless you give me a revelation of who You are, all these things seem to be futile."