280907

Tonight is amazing. Most people got a touch from the Holy Spirit. Some even have the "Holy laughter". But I did not catch it. Zinch... I am quite disappointed. Nothing. How I wish and hope that God will touch me. But there is nothing. Y God? Din you say that seek and I shall find, knock and the door will be opened to me? But Y isn't there nothing? Or is God just something I place at my mouth?

After I have penned my thoughts in my hp, I read a passage from Corrie Ten Boom's "In my Father's House."

"After the meeting I needed to think, and so I started to walk through the heather by myself, trying to understand all I had heard, questioning my own relationship with God. 'Please, Mr. Sadhu, tell me what is wrong with me? I'm a child of God, I have received Jesus as my Saviour and I know that my sins are forgiven. I know that He is with me for He has said, "I am with you always 'till the end of the world." But what's wrong with me? I've never seen a vision or experienced a miracle.'

The Sadhu smiled at me. 'Sometimes people come to me to see a miracle. When they come now I'll send them to Corrie ten Boom. That I know Jesus is alive and with me is no miracle.. these eyes have seen Him. But you, who have never seen Him, know His presence. Isn't that a miracle of the Holy Spirit? Look in your Bible at what Jesus said to Thomas in John 20:29: "... Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.""

And the rest of the passage is more verses. This book I am reading now, it is interesting. Corrie Ten Boom, one of those whom Pastor has mentioned before, she is a strong woman. Met many in her lifetime. And now I am reading her past before she stepped out of her house. The things she faced... So similar to mine. The thoughts of low self-esteem same.

"Why aren't I am the same as my brother? He is a intellectual. Why did God not create me a intellectual?"
"My sister is talented in music. Why am I not so?"

I haven't finished everything. But it is indeed getting more and more interesting by the minute.