Standing upon your prayers

020111

2011-01-02T07:49:00.004+08:00

4 months le. I did not blog anything. Perhaps I am still nursing from the emotional wound. Today is a brand new year. So I decided to post something. The first 2 pictures taken at a pub called "wavve" at Orange Tee Building. Had a countdown with my friends. Atmosphere is loud. I quite like it since it is a countdown.

The third picture, I took it at a restaurant at Iluma. Hmm.. The technology is good. You have to tap the menu with the pen. It is a interesting concept. But the ramen I ordered is way way way inferior compared to the ramen I ate at Japan. Guess that after the good ramen I ate in Japan, none of the ramen here can be compared.

240810

2010-08-24T13:20:00.002+08:00

After buying my lunch, chanced upon a locust/grasshopper at the stairs. It is so damn big. It is as big as my palm. I don't even know how it came to that place.

These few days I have been looking at this view. Life and sickness are opposites. A sunny day. Perfect for a wonderful trip outside. In the hospital, one can only pray for recovery. How apt this song is. Nobody but you. Only you can heal her. Only you.

070710

2010-07-07T10:50:00.003+08:00

Guess that i still can't forget the days in N182. Not as in totally forget. But I need to remind myself that I am no longer in N182 le. It has been what, 1 year plus le. And I still can't remind myself. Sigh... Guess that I am not a adaptable person bah. So what happened actually?

Last Saturday, as usual, I was sitting elsewhere since I was late. During the 3 minute fellowship at the start of the service, the person besides me asked me what my name and so on. He asked me whether I am in a cell group. I replied, "Ya, I am."
"Oh, what is your cell group?"
"N182, nope. E442."
Then we carried on the conversation.

But later after service, I realise that both cell groups are also wrong. I am in E471. Sigh!
But I think that it is really automatic for my mouth to just say N182, since I have been in this cell group for so many years le.
Guess that old habits die hard.

010710

2010-07-01T10:02:00.005+08:00

my HAMSTERS are found DEAD when I woke up yesterday morning !!!

280610

2010-06-28T09:52:00.002+08:00

Recently, got into a english argument with one of my students. Let me ask you all, do we use "cleverer" or "more clever"?

290510

2010-05-29T17:30:00.003+08:00

Some of the feelings I had:

Not going to Asia conference these few days. guess that I am constantly distracted by my own feelings. It will be good to put it aside but I can't. Guess that I need quality time with people now and not going to attend sessions after sessions.

Felt so tired. Sigh! My mother is exhibiting irrational behaviour. Though she is conscious, but I really dont' understand the reasons. Is it normal for people with brain surgery? Sigh!

At least I can understand Eliza's feelings each time she went to the hospital to visit her father. Feelings are drained. But as a professional, it will be for the best not to drag your feelings to work. Ya, I told wan ee that I don't want to tell many people about it cause I know that I will be overly dependent on others. It is time to stand up.

170510

2010-05-17T11:00:00.002+08:00

Been some time I blogged. Who will expect that I will? Today I went and chanced upon my mum's neurosurgeon. From what I hear, her white blood cells are high, implying that there is bacteria infection. However, they cannot find any bacteria. So now she is given two strong medicine to kill any bacteria. Hopefully, all is well.

080510

2010-05-08T22:51:00.002+08:00

Is it my fault that my off day is on Thursday?
Why am I asked to take leave on Friday and go for Friday cell group?
I have said specifically that I can only go to Thursday cell group.
That is the arrangement when I multiply out of the cell group.
I know these will happen when I decide to join this company.
But I hope that I am wrong.
I know that all the leadership training, all the outings, all the fellowships, I might not join in.
I know that, I know that.
I want to prove to myself that people will not reject you because you can only join in cell group or service few times.
But it seems that I am wrong.
Outreach. Outreach. Outreach.
Seems that it is all hogwash to me. A pure illusion.
People out there, not all, can accomodate to the timings of religion. I want to show that it is possible to outreach even though it is not possible. But sigh!
Think that it is just not possible le.
Sigh...
Disappointed.
Not disappointed in God. But disappointed in myself for not believing in myself.

060510

2010-05-06T11:35:00.003+08:00

Ip man 2 is nice... A day of first beginning. Anyway, it won't be easy since I am not a confident person. Not as confident as Ip man.. Haha..

010510

2010-05-01T10:11:00.003+08:00

Yesterday night at 3 am, I watched with Eujean, Melvin and their cg members. For all my students, yes, I finally watched a movie with people le. Iron Man 2 is simply fantastic. Though I am sitting at row 3. But it is definitely worth the money. Do watch even if you have not watched Iron Man 1. I have not watched Iron man 1 but I believe that I should be renting it. Do watch k?

300410

2010-04-30T13:15:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, I was at my main branch tutorial centre printing some stuff when I noticed that there are some chicks in a box on a table. Very cute, right? Just wanna share what I saw.

210410

2010-04-21T11:47:00.002+08:00

Recently, some things happened.

Guess that a pessimistic outlook on life will result in turmoil for the soul bah.

Hmm... first thing. Definitely it is my mother's incident.
I guess at the moment, cuen cuen (assistant cell group leader) and yanli (my financial advisor) will know about this. But I think I am better now to share more about this. My mother is found to have a tumour in her brain. It is not cancerous. But there is a need to remove it through operation. There is a small risk. But no matter how small a risk is, it is still a risk. I hope and pray that nothing will go wrong.

2nd thing. Read a friend's blog. She is quitting cg because she has no money. Hmm... I can't reconcile these 2 things. Money has no bearing on attendance on cg. Just because you don't have money, it doesn't mean that you cannot go to cg. Just because you can't give cell group fund, you are not in the cg. That is not true. How many a times have I preached before in the offering message that an offering is an offering, a willing sacrifice from yourself to God? If you don't want to give, then don't give. No one is forcing you. What is the purpose of a cg? It will strengthen your faith in God. That is one thing I strongly believe in. Just going to service alone is of no use. Because you are on the receiving end. But you are not at the giving end. Not relating to people. Faith is not just of oneself. But everyone's. Yes, there is individual faith. But haven't you heard that iron strengthens iron?

3rd thing. A friend has broken up with her bf. Quite shocked to me. Thought that they will be married soon. Actually, if I wanna speak the truth, I was attracted to her the first day I saw her. But well, she has a bf. I can't say much. Now she is single. What can I do? I don't know. Cause I don't really go and know her more. Sigh. If the matters of the heart are equivalent to mathematics, at least I know that there will be at least one solution.

Anyway, I got to go now. :)

160410

2010-04-16T13:32:00.005+08:00

Theodarian and Practicary were once best friends. They were fishing, solving mathematical problems, catching earthworms. Life is simple but good. A day is mere seconds to both of them. As they grew up, problems emerge. Over money? Over love? Over reputation? Well, these are common debate questions between the both of them.

Theodarian is a smart person. And as his name suggests, he is well versed in theories. Theories of life. Theories of mathematics. Theories of universe. Theories almost about anything. He soon became a wealthy person. But his character did not get rich. In fact, it soon became a dumping ground for anything nice.

Practicary too grew up to be a man. But he did not get rich. He believes in practicality. Rich is not the only tool to be practical. Character is, that is his belief. Few years later, he married a nice young lady. Things suddenly change.

Theodarian saw, Theodarian lusted. Theodarian planned. Theodarian executed. Practicary did not see things coming. Bankrupt. Assets gone in just one day. Wife one day later is raped. Who else? Things are not going on well for Practicary and even worse, she hanged herself.

Disappointed. Dejected. Defensive. Practicary can't believe his own eyes that his best friend (or should I say ex best friend) is the mastermind behind his downfall.

Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. This is all he can think of.
"Since he is so good with his theories, let me pose a challenge to him."

In 15th BC, a challenge was posed.
Can you construct a perpendicular bisector and a angle bisector using a compass and a ruler?

Ultimate challenge is set. At that moment of time, no one can solve this question.
Practicary shouted, "If you can, I will give you back my memories."

No one knew that Practicary is Theodarian's friend. No one knew that Theodarian, the generous kind guy, is the mastermind behind Practicary's downfall. Everyone thought that it is just Practicary's sheer bad luck.

Now this challenge is set in a year for Theodarian. He think and he think and he think.

A few times, he almost constructed it but failed.

One year is up. Did he win the challenge?

--> to be continued...

050410

2010-04-05T14:57:00.008+08:00

Now, on Good Friday, I went to the National Museum for the Quest for Immortality. Before I went in, I remembered that unlike the past, it is free entrance. Now I need to pay $8.50 to see some mummies. I hope that it is worth the money. Below are the pictures.Goddess Sekmet

Serapeum Sphinxes

god imi-khent-wer

God horus and king horemheb
Mummy of nekhet-iset-aru

Finished the tour. Hmm.. My sentiments? Nothing much. Not as if I get to see the real thing. Maybe it will be good for me to have a tourguide to bring history to life.

120310

2010-03-12T13:14:00.004+08:00

My blog is a movie review, that's what many people say. I do think that the blog is meant to share one's thoughts and so whether it is a movie review anot, it is up to the person who is creating this blog, not for the person who is reading it. Anyway, I went to the IT show 2010. It is the much awaited event by lots of guys. But well, not me. I am not that interested. However, I went to buy Norton antivirus and USB hub. At night, met up with some old friends. Hmm... her remark quite surprised me.
"I thought u all had the building."
"Too small?"
"Wah... does that mean next time you all gotta buy Pulau Ubin?"

He did not say anything, just like Adam.
I want to reply back but it is not edifying.
"Did you both forget that you met in church? Had you not met here, both of you will not have married at all. Why such a remark from you?" --- I wanted to say but stopped my mouth.
Sigh...

Few days ago, I wanted to post. But I think I am in low spirits to write.
My ex maths teacher passed away. Commit suicide. I was shocked. How come? Isn't things going on well for him? Head of Department somemore. Politics in school so jia lat? Few months ago, I talked to him at my friend's wedding. seems ok. His death reminded yet again a good friend's mother. Till now, I think I still can remember her with fondness. That time, only 2 to 3 days ago, I talked to her before her suicide. sigh...

190210

2010-02-19T13:54:00.005+08:00

14 blades. (The uppermost top picture). I have expressed some views about this show to some students. I like it as it is a fighting show. But inside this show, you get to see zhen zi dan as batman. Using his gadgets and fighting. Maybe next time, he will be termed as our own asian batman.

Yesterday, I watched percy jackson and the lightning thief. (The middle picture). This show has its roots in greek mythology. Zeus, poseidon, hades, athena, hydra, medusa, hellhounds. I find it interesting as mythology elements are combined with reality. Maybe it also reminds me a game I played last time. Age of mythology. Hmm.. should I play again?

True legend (the bottom picture). This show is about su qi er. Creator of drunken fist. A form without any form. Drunken fist philosophy is similar to taoism. This movie breaks into two parts. First part is revenge. Second part is coming up with the fighting style drunken fist. There are quite a number of fighting scenes. But somehow I still like 14 blades. Oh, btw, when I watch this show, I was thinking that maybe breakdance orginate from drunken first. 2 to 3 moves of drunken fist are bascially breakdance moves. Hmm...

030210

2010-02-03T13:24:00.004+08:00

These are the two movies I have watched lately.

The top picture is the movie Santau. A malay movie. Some of my students asked me why I would watch a malay movie when I don't understand anything. There are subtitles mah. And it is good to expose myself to different language movies. And I like horror movies. This is a interesting show. Because it can be real. We have always heard of dark or black magic. But have you ever truly experienced it? I did not but after watching this show, a memory which faded came back to me. I was in Primary school. I have two neighbours. Staying next to me is a family, a normal family. One day, the mother is somehow possessed. Screaming frantically. Seems that no one can control her. And just so coincidentally, I have a neighbour who stays beside this family who is a medium. So through the few hours, I witness a exorcism. Somehow the memory faded and I can't really remember all the details. And I believe that I might have forgotten this already. This movie brings back that memory again. Wonder why...

The second movie is the tooth fairy. It is funny and lame. But well, I believe it is these kind of movies that will somehow cast all your troubles away for the time being. If you wanna relieve some stress, watch the tooth fairy. Your tooth won't be gone after watching. (Lame joke).

250110

2010-01-25T14:11:00.003+08:00

Faith comes from God.
That is what I believe in. But if this statement is true, this movie is certainly a blasphemy as the movie is implying that God needs faith from an angel to have faith in man.
Faith vs Man.
Recently, I was sitting in Junyang's car. I agreed with one of his statements. Faith is the bridge between reality and God's best for your life. At least I can say that I have learnt something from E442 now.
This movie is a average show since it has nothing in particular to impress you unless you like to see old woman climbing up the wall or the ice cream man suddenly behaving like a long legged spider or 2 archangels fighting against each other. Other than that, there is nothing much bah.

180110

2010-01-18T14:42:00.002+08:00

Day breakers. It is a show of vampires. 95% of the population are vampires whereas 5% are human. Vampires need blood. They can only harness such a low supply of blood from humans. How could they survive? They can either get substitute blood, become a human or die. The scientists have been trying to get a substitute for blood. But they are rather unsuccessful. Nothing compares to the real deal. Becoming a human seems unlikely. However, this is where the major point comes in. In order to become a human, it seems that there are several ways. One is accidental discovery. With enough exposure to sunlight, one can somehow burn away the vampire gene and so become back a human. The other is what no one can imagine too... If a vampire sucks the blood of a transformed human, that vampire will change back to a human too and there will be two human. Seems that a transformed human has some sort of antibiotic to the vampire gene. Lots of blood. Some shocking scenes. And I think that it can be rated as 6.5 out of 10.

130110

2010-01-13T10:22:00.003+08:00

It is not about what you are, but it is about who you are. A quote from this movie itself. It is based on a novel by Darren Shan. And when I read Wikipedia more about the 12 books, the plot is ok. It is however very different from the movie. I like the love story between the young half vampire and the monkey girl. Quite cute. Anyway, this movie is ok. So this is reserved for those who wants to spend time with their friends. But it is not a very good movie, though.

080110

2010-01-08T10:35:00.003+08:00

My birthday is coming soon... It implies that I gotta pass my Ippt again... Such a long long long time that I have not exercised. Each year, I told myself I got to discipline myself. But yet each year, I give myself excuses. Seems that the motivation that I had in Sec 3 and Sec 4 has dissipated through the years. Today, I finally went jogging. My body is so so so tired after the run. And my heart pains a bit. Think that this is due to lack of exercise sia... Anyway, gotta back to rest my body now...

060110

2010-01-06T11:00:00.003+08:00

Today's movie is the Fourth kind. Since young, I have been interested in aliens, conspiracy theories and so on.. Anyway, this movie appeals to me, so i decide to watch it.

This movie starts off with the actress reminding the audience that part of the show is real footage taken from a psychologist dr abby tyler. This all happened in a town called noma in Alaska. Seems that this town has many missing people and high rate of suicide. Dr Abby is seen in this movie to share about what happened in the town and lots of people have shared to her that they suddenly cannot sleep and has to wake up at 3.33 am. When they woke u, they always saw an owl which will stare at them for hours. But this owl is basically a fake memory. So what really happened? This is where the story goes along.

Seriously, I thought that this movie is quite frightening as I believe in the real footages. But when I went online and search, it seems that the director has put false information online and make it as if it is real. Such a disappointment. I thought that it will surely be a exciting documentary movie if it is. But well, maybe someday, someone will see something extraordinary bah. :)

311209

2009-12-31T18:59:00.003+08:00

Recently, I watched Sherlock Holmes. Nice plot especially when it is different from the usual Sherlock Holmes book I had read. Sherlock Holmes is one who not only deduce but also fight. Intellectually clever, Physically clever. Hmm... Anyway, if you like to read stories like Kindaichi or Conan, it is a good show to watch.

Today is New Year Eve. So happy new year to all of you. To me, it is just a normal day. I don't really see any big transitions especially when mine starts on 1st of December 2009. Maybe for me, I look forward more to last day of October 2010 when my 1 month leave for November 2010 is waiting for me. Anyway, again, Happy new year!

281209

2009-12-28T10:31:00.002+08:00

The movie alvin and the chipmunks 2 is cute and funny at times. I like the scream by Dave. "Alvin!". This is a family show. Good show for families with children. Rate it around 6.5 around 10.

231209

2009-12-23T09:36:00.003+08:00

This is a chinese history type of show. Those who simply like chinese history, it is surely a movie which you should not miss. As what the title states, it is about 10 people protecting sun yat sen and lots of people attempting to kill him. They are sent from the Qing dynasty (FYI, the last dynasty of China). In this movie, there is no good or bad people, but how much you are willing to sacrifice for a cause. To me, it is draggy at times. I yawned quite a couple of times. I think that the last 20 minutes will be quite exciting as you are seeing fighting scenes by a couple of people. In this show, you also will see Leon Lai fighting. He acts like a grandmaster. But it seems strange to see him fight. I still prefer Donnie. Haha.. Anyway, overall, I will rate it 6/10. To compare, I will prefer avatar.

221109

2009-12-22T09:12:00.003+08:00

It has been one month since I blogged le. Now for today, I am going to talk a bit about Avatar. Everyone whom I know, be it student or friends, say that the trailer sucks. But the movie is totally different from the trailer. Hmm.. I wonder what their motive is. Usually, it is the trailer which seems exciting but the movie sucks. This time, it is the other way round. Anyway, this movie is still ok. Can still hold me for 2 hours and 40 minutes. Not draggy. Plot still ok. I will rate it a rating of 7/10. As what I have read some comments, this show indeed has hidden meanings. And if you want to know what the show is about, let's just say that this show is about humans vs aliens. And humans are the bad guys. It is something like your Independence day whereby aliens invade earth. And all human race unite to fight against the aliens. But for this movie, the role is reversed. The aliens have poor technology, like arrows, animals and their so called "gods". For the human race, it will be machine guns, high powered aircrafts and robots. So if you are undecided whether to watch, I will encourage you to watch this movie. Hmm... or you can wait for my another review about Bodyguards and Assasin which I am going to watch today. :)

221109 - part 2

2009-11-22T12:11:00.009+08:00

After reservist, I went to JB with my cg members. We went to have a go at go-kart, eat Bak kut teh and shopping. Fun trip, except for my one small embarassing incident. Haha.. anyway, pictures again...

221109 - part 1

2009-11-22T11:43:00.005+08:00

It has been few weeks ever since I blogged. So how did I spend my 1 month of paid leave?

For the first week, everyday is pure tiredness. Because I have been tidying my room. If you come to my room, it appears small but it is difficult to tidy, I tell you. 1 week is spent on this room.

Then what about the second week, it is time for me to report back to reservist. I still can remember what my OC told me and my 2 friends: "Actually I do not know why they called u back for." So, for the second week, I have been slacking and sleeping. But the bad thing is I have to report to Mandai camp before 6.55 am, which means I have to wake up at 4.30 am. Why is that so? For a morning jog lor. Haha...

Below are some pictures of my untidy room. Haha..

311009

2009-10-31T01:36:00.005+08:00

For those who have been reading my blog, sorry for such a long time that I did not post anything. Because I have been very very very busy with the O levels. Finally, it is OVER! So well, yesterday I have my dinner and dance. Very very fun... So there are some pictures which you preview first before looking at my facebook pictures. I am still waiting for other people to upload my pictures too. Confirm very funny. Why is that so? Cause I am dressed as a girl and I won! haha.. but well, waiting for pictures.

does this look 80s to you?

I took a picture with Miss Mavis. She is pretty anyway... Of course she will win... haha..

Some of Mavis staff. One of my boss is inside the picture.

071009

2009-10-07T13:20:00.003+08:00

It is not a must show to watch. It is a okay show. Quite like the idea of this plot. If humans turn to surrogacy, what will be the meaning of humanity? Yes, all can be pretty and handsome. And whatever happens, you will not die at all. But is this being human?

290909

2009-09-29T14:13:00.002+08:00

Just watched the show " The Accident". What is this show about? When we say it is an accident, it is not premediated. But this show lets you have another perception of accident. You can stage an accident if you want to. It also lets me see how evil our hearts can be. But then I will not recommend this show because it is too slow. Only a number of the scenes are nice.

100909

2009-09-10T23:40:00.008+08:00

By right, should have posted these few days ago. But somehow computer can't receive these pictures. So there they are - my another batch of teacher's day gifts.

From Gina (Sec 3E) - Hougang

From Darrence (Sec 3E) - Hougang

From Jia Qun (Sec 4E) - Hougang

From Wyona (Sec 1E) - Parkway Parade

From Shernise (Sec 1E) - Parkway

310809

2009-08-31T10:21:00.006+08:00

From Gen (Sec 2E at Pasir Ris):

From Natasha (Sec 2E at Punggol) :
From Aloysius Sec 1E at Punggol :

From Wan qi Sec 1E at Punggol :

Tomorrow is Teacher's Day and I have received my first few gifts. Thank you to all my students who have given me these.

210809

2009-08-21T11:54:00.003+08:00

Few days ago, I heard this from one of my students.

A teacher was talking to one of the administrative staff. He was asking her why she hasn't had a boyfriend yet. She said that she have a current friend who is quite eligible but the schedule doesn't coincide. Then the teacher was asking her to maybe consider me. When the administrative staff heard that, she was like: Yikes... Don't want.

Reaction : What do you think my reaction should be?

More few days ago, I heard this from another of my student.

I went to the Science Centre and saw one of my student. She was in a school excursion with her Sec 1 level. I talked to her for a while, since it will be strange for a stranger to talk to a student if the teacher saw me talking to one of her students. Then when it was time for tuition, my student blamed me for going forward to talk to her. I was like: Huh? Why not? She told me that her friends thought that I am her boyfriend. But when the misunderstanding has cleared, she told me that one of her friends think that I am handsome and wanted to chase me.

Reaction : What do you think my reaction should be?

Actually, for me, I got more negative feedbacks than positive. I believe that out of my 28 years life, I got 3 positive comments than the infinite negative feedback. Haha...

But well, right now, I am feeling not good. Because I believed in someone whom I thought I should believe. Ya, even though it is missing a question mark, but is that a right reply back? Sigh! Never mind.

It will take time to believe again.

190809

2009-08-19T10:11:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I watched the movie: Where got ghost?

It is divided into 3 stories.

The first story is about a medium who lies to get more extra cash. One day, he thought of this system. In 4D, there are 10 000 combinations. The winning combinations are 23 of them. So according to him, he and his henchmen will call 10 000 of them. Giving them combinations from 0000 to 9999. Definitely, 23 of the callers will win. So he told them that they are to pay 20% commission for him to build a temple. If they do not, they will have misfortune. Basically, he is using fear to exploit people. Then there is one scene whereby he told his henchmen to buy oranges. His henchmen forgot to buy and they decide to get oranges from the roadside whereby the oranges are being offered to some spirits. Soon after, the medium received a call which he was offered a combination of 6666. He bought it and struck 1st and 2nd price. But he refused to pay because this system is what he thought of first. The man turned up to receive the commission and warned the medium that he will be knocked down by a car if the medium doesn't pay up. The medium was so angry that he went to the middle of the road and challenged any car to knock down him. No cars knocked him on the road he was standing upon but then a car from the top crashed down towards him and he died on the spot. It was then realised that the additional reason he died is because he was eating oranges from the roadside and that led the spirit being very unhappy.

The second story is 2 guys in the jungle. Serving their reservist in the jungle. They are advised to take the proper route and not take any shortcuts. This story is hard to narrate as it is more conversation based. Especially when 1 guy is talking to the other guy about the compass being spoilt. Example :

Guy 1: Hey, the compass is spoilt le. You turn, it points in this direction. You turn the other way, it also points in this direction. Spolit le. Spoilt le.

Guy 2: Wah, you don't know about compass huh? Compass is pointing to "Nan". That is why it is called "Zhi Nan Zhen". N stands for Nan (In Chinese, it means South.)

Guy 1: Oh, then what about S? What does S stands for?

Guy 2: S? Hmm... Si (In Chinese, it means West.)

Guy 1: Ok, then what about W?

Guy 2: W huh? Hmm... It stands for Women. So that side got women. We don't go that side.

Guy 1: Wah piang, W stands for Woman? You know how to use compass anot?

So this is basically one of the segments of the Story 2. I think the conversation between the two guys is good. Although the ending is lame. But well, Jack Neo is trying a new style.

Ok, for story 3, you have to watch Love Matters. Or else this story, you can't understand at all. Continuing from Love matters, the mother has some funny scenes with the 3 children. With Mark Lee, the mother wants her red bra. With Henry Thia, the mother is always asking him whether he has eaten. Then with Jack Neo, she told Jack Neo that she is all right to sleep anywhere. So this story is basically using those 3 scenes. But it is a story that quite touches people. Although it gets quite slow, but in the end, what this story is reflecting is that it is more blessed to have good health and peace than with monetary blessings.

So this is basically this bah for today. :)

140809

2009-08-14T22:52:00.003+08:00

A bit surprising when I went to the toy, games and comic convention today. It seemed dull when I entered in. But I can sense that if I went to the convention in the weekends, the atmosphere will change. There might be many cosplayers. Well, too bad I am working in the weekends or else I will definitely go and soak in the atmosphere. Just now at 2.56 pm, my another bag broke. Guess that it is too heavy.

In the evening, something happened. I shouted at a student again. sigh! My temper seems to be shorter and shorter each time. I always feel very frustrated when no one is listening or when they cannot absorb what I teach. It seems useless. How can I teach?

Negative comments running through my mind. So wish to hold these thoughts in captivity. But arrgh....
"Cannot pronounce properly. Lousy english."
"Can't explain clearly."
"So boring.........."
"Waste of time."
"......................." (No one is listening at all)
"Teacher, everyone is sleeping with eyes open."

What can I do?

Remember what you have preached. With man, it is impossible. But with God, all things are possible.
Can you still remember what you preached in the preaching test?
Do you still remember?
Remember what Eujean has said about your preaching?
"To me, your preaching is the best. You have put in so much effort. Thank you for showing effort being put in ur preaching."

Right now, I am crying... really crying... because I remembered what eujean has said. What I have done is of some impact to him.

Is it wrong to put urgency in the teaching? Is there a need to have many jokes? This is me. This is how I teach. I have a responsibility to the parents of the students. But they just don't understand.
They just don't understand. Why? Why? Why?

I have conveyed what I want to say here le. I have nothing more to say. I will keep on doing what I am supposed to do.

Because he believed in me. God believed in me.

Is there a need for their approval? No need.
You have done your best...

120809 - part 2

2009-08-12T11:33:00.002+08:00

Yesterday watched GI Joe : Rise of the Cobra.

It is quite a ok show, with quite a number of action scenes. So to me, it is still ok. Just that there is this part about two people wearing the accelerator suit chasing a car. I felt both of the two persons are redundant and was thinking how did snake eyes managed to get a train to crash the car. But well, maybe I might have overlooked something. But anyway, it is a ok movie.

120809 - part 1

2009-08-12T10:33:00.006+08:00

This blog become like every month one post. This shows how many interesting activities I am engaged in. Haha...

Anyway, for the sake of my bag which has been with me for the past 8 months and this bag is a present from Melvin, so I would want to put up the photos of its remains now.

It snapped halfway when I was about to go to my student's place.Many have told me that my bag is tattered and torn. But because it is a present from Melvin, I really do not want to throw it away.

Look at the frayed ends when it just broke.

070709

2009-07-07T15:18:00.003+08:00

I have just watched Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs in 3D. Initially I was very excited upon experiencing a 3D effect in this movie. After this movie, hmm... very very disappointed. If this movie is based on 3D, then it might have done justice to my payment of the movie. $10 for this movie because it is in 3D. After watching, $10 is just not worth the money at all. In fact, whether it is 3D anot, i will give this show maybe 6 out of 10. There is this part whereby the sloth is sliding down a icy slope to catch some eggs. When the scene is presented from the sloth's view, I think it is cool. I can feel as if I am sliding down too. But that is maybe for 5 seconds or so? 3D effect can only be best felt if it is a one person view and not from other people's view. Well, at least I know that I still have to wait for a while before deciding to watch any other 3D movies le...

150609

2009-06-15T10:28:00.004+08:00

Last Friday, I went to Pasir Ris Park with my A maths students. So exhausting sia... especially when I so old le.. Haha... But anyway, for more pictures, please go to my facebook and view. :)

110609

2009-06-11T11:13:00.006+08:00

2 days ago, I ended my Intermediate two Japanese lesson. Some of the students are not continuing so well, we took some pictures to remember them. It is a natural process to miss them since I am seeing them everyday except the weekends. It is like going back to school but only for 3 hours la... Sigh! How I wish I am studying instead of working... Studying is always better than working... but well, students won't understand unless they go to work. Anyway, these are the pictures I took with them.

020609

2009-06-02T10:27:00.004+08:00

Last Saturday is Marcus wedding. Both him and his bride are my old time friends le. Haha... Anyway, first time being a 'brother' is not bad and I also got to drive too... Haha... If my pay is $4000 a month, I might consider buying a car... But well, at the moment, still finding ends to meet... Sigh! Anyway, this is not the main issue. So, there are some pictures again...

More pictures will be found on my facebook again. :)

070509 - part 2

2009-05-07T22:11:00.004+08:00

Now for the second and third day in Japan, I have gotten accustomed to speaking Japanese and are feeling glad that I have made the right choice in coming. But I am here for mission trip, not just for fun. So I helped out as a camera man and also going to write a report about the whole mission trip to Pastor Zhuang. Anyway, for more photos, please go to my facebook - Alex Lim.

I had much food too in Japan and I gained two kg. Not bad a feat for someone who is there for few days and don't gain weight so easily... Oh ya, about the hot bath that they have, if i can take a photo of it, i will. But not possible. Cause only guys leh... can't possibly upload naked guys in hot bath rite? anyway, the water is so so so hot. I can't even go into the water but well, it is ok... got that experience too...

So let's have a bit of photos and post some things being preached by Pastor Zhuang.

For session 2,

Pastor Zhuang preached that in order to break through, all of us are to break free from the bondages of our past.

For session 3,

Pastor preached about why we should reach out and how we can increase church growth. A bit technical here. But as soon as he shared about his father about not being saved and has already left this world, the whole atmosphere changed. It struck a chord in everyone. In fact, everyone was telling me that session 3 is the best session.

For session 4,

Pastor preached about self image. A important topic not only in relationships but also in our personal living.

After the whole camp, we went to Fukuoka to shop and also to stay at Washington Hotel near Canal City.

So for some pics,

070509 - part 1

2009-05-07T21:33:00.008+08:00

Finally back from Japan le!!!

On the 3rd of May 2009, I am so excited and nervous whether I am able to go to Japan because I have been feeling very heaty and I have dunked lots of water to drown out the heat in my body. And finally on the 4th of May 2009 at 1.10 am, I am boarding the plane to Japan. On the airplane, I was so excited because I am going to Japan...

Finally, few hours have passed and I am finally at Japan. A wish of 13 years has finally been fulfilled. As my flight is a transit flight, I am at Osaka, Kansai. Took coffee with Pastor Zhuang and Naomi.

Then we took the transit flight. And soon we are at Fukuoka Airport, meeting 2 pastors and Cheryl. She is smart lor, taking a $800 dollar flight from Singapore, transiting at Bangkok. Mine is $600 dollar more expensive than hers. Sigh! Should have found her to help me book all these stuff. It is ok. A $600 experience.

From Fukuoka to Kumamoto is another 2 to 3 hours on the car. I am getting sick of travelling at this moment le. Half a day is gone because of travel? Arrgh...

But well, the scenery is nice to look at. Mountains and rivers. A scene which I can never see in Singapore.

Finally, I have reached Hinokuni Heights. The place where I am supposed to go for my mission trip. Wow, lots of people are waiting for us, welcoming us. Lots of familiar faces. They came to Asia conference last year and now I am in Japan being welcomed by them.

How I missed them... and now they are in front of me... especially Emi.

In the day is the checking in stuff. So after waiting and chatting for 2 hours with the Japanese, I checked in the room. Wow... Never imagine that I will stay in such a room.

Then at 7.30 pm, it is the first session with Pastor Zhuang.

In this first session, he preached about purity, passion and power. He shared about being pure in our hearts, having a passion for God and the people around us and desiring the power of God in all our churches, bring the Church to the next level.

Well, for the second and third days, it will be in another post.

300409

2009-04-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

3 things that affect my heart recently :

Izzit that ugly? When I wore a blue checkered shirt to class, some students commented that it looks like cowboy attire. Some say it is plain ugly. A present from a good friend and it is said until like that. Sigh! Sometimes I do wonder what is the definition of nice from the students. What I thought is nice, they say is not nice.

Swine flu hit the world just like that. Because of that, I am still very unsure whether I am allowed to go Japan. My parents asked about it. At the moment, it seems safe enough. But if it hit Japan, I think my wish for 13 years has to be postponed. Sigh!

My 2 students was arrested recently. One hit another person two punches and one of it twisted the other person's nose. Sigh! The other one is arrested for stealing and he has been put on bail le... what are they trying to do? this year is o level year and yet got such things... can't they learn???

270409

2009-04-27T08:48:00.002+08:00

2 days ago, I was chatting with 2 Japanese SOT students. One of them is Emi's sister. Sigh! Thinking about Emi brings back memories. But well, that is in the past. There is really no point in pursuing this since there is still a language barrier I have not gotten pass over. Anyway, when I chatted to them, I really felt that my Japanese is so so inadequate. It is still not good enough even when I am taking full time Japanese. Arrgh... Must ganbatte ne...

160409

2009-04-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

Submitted my name to the church website. Work has been adjusted to fit the mission trip. Now is hoping that nothing will go wrong till after the mission trip. Even though I will be away for 3 days for the mission trip, but to adjust to those days, it takes 3 weeks of my off days to substitute for those 3 days. Being a teacher at tuition centre is sometimes not worth it sia... But anyway, was thinking for next year. How can I plan my schedule in such a way that I can go off without disrupting much of my work? Hmm...

020409 & 040409

2009-04-04T07:51:00.003+08:00

Today is a day of reflection. Since my student is not available today, I visited some ex members and a member. But the member did not answer my call so eventually cannot find him. Been a while since I saw my ex members. Quite miss them though. After meeting them, went to fort canning. A place where my troubles are momentarily off. I have been going to the place since secondary school days. Like the place lots. Then came down to the Christian bookshop. I was quite stunned to see one of my favourite bookshop to be closing down. It is one of the places I like to be at. In July, either it will relocate or it will not be doing any business le. On my way to City Hall Mrt Station, was thinking of relationship and stuff. Actually to say the truth, I am not really prepared for any relationship. Though I hope to be in a relationship and quite envy couples, but deep down I am really really not prepared at all.

Recently, I have been watching a few dramas. One of it is this drama called Life. This drama delves into the dark side of high school life. The story focuses mainly on bullying, but it also touches on subjects such as self-mutilation, suicide, and rape. Kitano Kii stars as Ayumu Shiiba, one of the students bullied by a group of classmates led by Ayumu's former friend, Manami Anzai (Fukuda Saki).

What is it so fun about ganging up on people? Maybe people realise strength comes in numbers. Since they are not so strong individually, together they are a mighty army. And when emotional intelligence is not so high, bullying comes into place. After finishing watching this drama, I was thinking of the fact that the Pharisees also come together and tried to bully Jesus into submission. But well, they thought they have succeeded when Jesus was at the Cross. Never do they know that it is the Plan.

270309

2009-03-27T01:03:00.002+08:00

Long time never had such a wonderful talk le... I have a talk with Wanyee, my sub zone leader. It has been good talking to her. The last chat I had is with Melvin. It has really been sometime since I chatted to him. Kinda miss N182 a lot a lot...

Anyway, during today's fellowship, I am quite surprised at what someone said. She was asking Pastor how to attract the right guy and to keep him attracted. It blew my mind. She is one of the prettiest girl around and she has to ask that? Hmm... Does that mean that no guys find her attractive? I am really really very puzzled by this.

But anyway, that is a point to ponder upon.

060309

2009-03-06T10:27:00.005+08:00

Yesterday had my Ippt test.

So wat is the result after some days of training after my failed attempt?

If this picture cannot be seen, it is ok.

Final Result :

Sit up - 38 (By right, I can get 39 sit ups) - I get cocky in the end. Sigh!

Broad jump - 225 cm ( this is a surprise). It is as if I was pushed from behind.

Chin up - 5 ( As usual, I expect to get 5 chin ups)

Shuttle run - 10.1 seconds (Good thing, that I get 5 points for this. This time, I did not use my

slide technique. That is why, I get slower.)

2.4 km run - 12.18 minutes (Finally! I passed! The last attempt is 13.27 seconds. This time, I did

not run as frantically as per last time. When I ran, it is as if God is

besides me, encouraging me that with constant speed, I can get a

pass. This is really a thank God for this.)

But this taught me a lesson. I really need to train every week for Ippt. I have decided to wake up earlier on my off day to train or else it is again another doomsday for me.

But before this incident, I had a unfortunate situation. I was caught for bringing camera phone to the camp. Now I do not know what will happen to me. Sigh! In order to save time and hassle on locking up my phone, I choose not to declare. Now, it is trouble for me. So this lesson taught me that with shortcuts, come consequences. Sigh!

260209

2009-02-27T14:45:00.001+08:00

I took my ippt today. Managed to do 39 sit ups, jump 212 cm, 5 chin ups, shuttle run of 9.8 seconds. But in the end I failed. Cause i ran 13 min 27 seconds for my 2.4 km run. Sigh! another one more attempt. or else it is remedial training to come.

160209

2009-02-16T11:13:00.009+08:00

This picture is taken by my student. Hmm... Seems that she did not concentrate on my lesson and just had the free time to take pictures.

Yesterday, when I was way home, I saw this scenery. It seems that there is a kite flying event at Punggol. If you are in the same LRT with me, you will also think with me that it is a magnificient sight to behold. Woah...

If you are suddenly thinking that Alex has scored some points on Valentine's day, then nope, you are wrong. I saw this at my void deck. It is very nice right? The one doing this takes quite a bit of effort sia. Ganbatte to your relationship. Wishing you that your relationship will last forever...

Hmm... Can't believe that a girl can wear such a golden shoe. So, I just took a picture of my student's leg. Hee...

Picture taken by a 4 year old boy. Not bad right?

Few days ago, when I was out buying my dinner before my tuition at Parkway Parade, I saw this car. A Pink Mazda! Wow!

090209

2009-02-09T11:41:00.001+08:00

Recently, like this song a lot. So if you wanna see what it is, please go to the following link :

http://www.newlife.org.tw/drupal/?q=node/383.

The mv edition is what I like. :)

You can download any songs you like. Free of charge.

050209

2009-02-06T14:19:00.002+08:00

Today, I am finally officially transferred to E442. Today's meeting is quite different. We watched Pastor Kong in an interview at New Life Church Taipei. This video is supposed to be watched last year for me but due to tuition, I cannot go. Interesting video. I finally understood what Melvin has shared about a platform to reach out to the band members. Anyway, coming to this cg, I don't feel that welcome. Maybe cause I have felt more welcoming by ying ying when I first come to church. Or maybe cause I am not a new friend mah.

But well, I got to learn how to adapt.

040209

2009-02-04T23:01:00.002+08:00

I cried again for the wrong reason again.

There is always a struggle inside me. After each lesson, I will review and reflect it. If it is good, I will use it for the next year lesson. But if it is bad, I will think over what the problem is. Recently, I just cannot figure out why a class full of enthuaism would suddenly be a dead class. I also cannot figure out why my spelling bee game seem so boring. All these make me very discouraged. I am constantly thinking that maybe I am not suited to be a teacher. Maybe because of my character, maybe I am more suitable for some office work, although deep down, I won't like it. What is wrong? I really hate that feeling of being a dead teacher.

But as what someone told me, I will rise up above the level of my problem.

220109

2009-01-22T13:12:00.002+08:00

Jesus marvelled at their disbelief.

Usually, I would just read the Bible and thought that I have understood what the Scriptures meant. But yesterday, I believed that I have experienced a fraction of this verse. I was playing a numbers game with my students. The number is "9876".

Do you know that 4 different digits, not including 0, can be computed to form a 10, using the digits only once? I heard that game through Yes 933. It is quite interesting, I think.

Anyway, back to the story. After several attempts, none of the students got the solution. One girl questioned me that it could be that this number cannot be computed to form a 10. I said it can be done. And I also replied that through this game, I also can see people who would indeed perseverse in life and those who would just give up. And I was telling them that I was doing a maths question for 3 months. Then suddenly, the other student told me not to brag.

In my mind, this boy definitely has a problem. I then said that if anyone can get the solution to this number, the person would get a $2. That same boy again cried out, questioning that it may not be worth the effort to get the solution. Then that same girl said that they should relax and see how others fared in this game.

Sigh! Seeing this kind of situation made me marvel at their extent of giving up. Because I have been through it of not giving up, so that may be the reason why I marvel at those who give up easily.

And Jesus must have felt that way. Being in a world whereby all things are possible and facing a world whereby all things seem impossible may let him marvel at the sight which beholds Him.

140109

2009-01-14T23:18:00.002+08:00

Yup, I am fine...

Oh, is he from your church?

Do I know him?

I am ok... Relax... Hee...

(A forced smile indeed.)

After teaching at Mavis for 1 month plus, I have begun to learn how to act.

Congratulations to you.. though you won't be able to read this since this is in English.

Though you know how to read English, chances are that you won't get to see this blog bah. :)

I am ok. Just needing again some time to cool down bah. Hee...

090109

2009-01-09T22:42:00.003+08:00

Hmm... You told me that you don't understand the lesson...

Student : Mr Lim, I don't understand your lessons.

Me: Which part of the lessons you do not understand?

Student : Many parts of it. In fact, from the start, I don't really understand.

Me: Oh, you mean from map scales onwards?

Student: No, some I understand. The complicated ones, I don't understand.

Me: Hmm.. such as? Today's algebra?

Student: Actually, I also don't know. My sister ask me to practise by myself.

Me: Good, then those which you do not know, are you going to ask me?

Student: Hmm.. I don't think so. I think I can practise by myself.

Me: But you still need my help, right? If you are coming to tuition, surely you need my help right? I see that when I sit besides you during practise sessions, you don't let me see your work. You don't want me to help you?

Student: Hmm.. I don't know. My Maths is very poor.

Me: Ok, what did you get in your PSLE?

Student: E

Me: It is ok. I believe that working hard in mathematics sure will improve your grades. Which part of the lesson you don't understand? I will explain now.

Student: It is ok. I got to go off.

Sigh! What is she trying to do? Telling me that she doesn't understand but she doesn't need my help. Hmm... Wonder how I can help her... Sigh!

020109

2009-01-02T13:06:00.006+08:00

Had a interesting New Year celebration. Usually I would either be at home counting down or I will be outside counting down. But this year I did neither but I witness a proposal at a friend's place.

The setting is romantic with loads of balloons. But as usual, I would let the pictures say for themselves.

181208

2008-12-18T18:20:00.002+08:00

Few years ago, you might have heard of this story: A teacher came to class and took out a $50 note. He then asked his students who would want this note. All hands shot up. Then he crumbled the note and asked again. Still, hands shot up. He proceeded to throw it on the floor, stepped on it and even spat on it. Hands still shot up even after he asked. The moral of the story is that one's value doesn't diminish through circumstances.

But recently, I have another perception to that story. Yes, the value doesn't diminish through circumstances. But the value depends on the situation. If I am stuck in a island, with no water and food, with my throat parched, I believe that even if someone gives me thousands of $50 notes, it won't be of any help. That goes to show that the money note isn't able to help in my situation.

These days, I am wondering that I am really of NO help. My VALUE has definitely diminished. It has been a good five years plus, I think. But I think that it is time to move on le. This time, it is really not able to avail time for many things le.

So long, everyone in xxxx

291108

2008-12-03T14:53:00.008+08:00

Went to Rina's wedding. The church at Chijmes is very pretty.

Sneak shots...

271108

2008-11-27T14:23:00.007+08:00

Finally. A hard drive. 500 GB. Definitely can fit in lots and lots of pictures. So now, my Asia conference meeting up with the Japanese.

More pictures are uploaded on facebook. As for this Blog allows me to upload one by one.

Do check it out!

261108

2008-11-26T11:06:00.003+08:00

Praise the Lord.

My student got A for her Maths in PSLE. Though I wonder why she never inform me about it.
She not happy with it?

But anyway, I am happy for her. since there is definitely a marked improvement. :)

251108

2008-11-25T21:25:00.002+08:00

Been a very long never blog. Not that I don't have anything to blog. But I wanted pictures to speak for me. But as my computer's memory is maximised, I have to wait until Nov 27 to get a hard drive. Or else I think I can't even switch on my laptop. Haha...

Much things have happened. Asia conference has ended. And another awaited dream to go bust. Haha... But anyway, I am starting work next month. Many are happy for me since I am going into teaching at Mavis Tutorial Centre. The treatment is quite good. But as it is group tuition, I have been quite nervous.

Anyway, I think at the moment nothing to blog bah. cause I am still missing the Japanese pastors and members. Indeed, I have learnt a lot from them. It's a pity that I can't work at Japan. Or else I think one of my wishlist will be fulfilled.

Take care to you who is reading... :)

201008

2008-10-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

Went out with Peixi for dinner today.
Before I met her, I was at my tuition place. I had a conversation with my student.

You going out later?

Yup.

Girlfriend? Hee...

No la, she has boyfriend le.

Wah... you meet her one to one?

Ya... of course...

Her boyfriend won't get jealous?

Huh? No la, I don't think so. Why would he?

Because you meeting her girlfriend?

Huh? I feel that this is quite childish way of thinking rite?

If I am him, I will wack u up.

Huh? It is not as if I am meeting her at somewhere secluded mah...

So?

Hmm... ok... ( puzzled )

I narrated this conversation to Peixi, thinking that she will agree with me. She said that she will agree with what my student says. It is not a good thing to meet regularly. But the wacking part is quite stupid bah.

I was quite stunned by the response. To me, I thought it is quite ok. She asked me back whether I will mind my girlfriend meeting other guys regularly. I told her that it is ok bah. She replied, saying that because I don't have any, that is why I would say ok.

Do you really think that it is not ok to meet guys or gals regularly? Even though it is just pure friendship?

181008

2008-10-18T09:48:00.002+08:00

Casting Nets

Yesterday, I went to prawn fishing at Bottletree Park. It is quite an experience. I fished up a prawn and the prawn went up on the tree because I yanked it too high and up on the tree it is. Ha ha.. such a dramatic scene that I have made yesterday. At the same time, when we are fishing, ( Gillian, Gant, Sarah, Sam and I ), I thought of what Eujean has said.

"Yah Lan told me that Jesus said that we are casting nets to fish men and not using a fishing rod."

Indeed, using a fishing rod is a one by one action. In fact, it is just a simple process of addition.
But when we cast nets, it is by multiplication.

I checked on the Internet especially Wikipedia about casting nets.

Contemporary cast nets have a radius which ranges from 4 to 12 feet (1.2 to 3.6 metres). Only strong people can manually lift the larger nets once they are filled with fish. The standard size for recreational fishing is four feet. Weights are usually distributed around the edge at about one pound per foot (1.5 kilograms per metre). Attached to the net is a landline, which is a line held by hand when the net is thrown. A retrieval clamp, sometimes called a thimble, closes the net when it is full. The net is retrieved by pulling on the landline. The retrieval clamp works like a wringer on a mop, and closes the net. The net is lifted into a bucket and the clamp is released, dumping the caught fish into the bucket.
Cast nets work best in water no deeper than their radius. Casting is best done in waters free of obstructions. Reeds cause tangles and branches can rip nets. The caster stands holding the net over one arm, with the weights dangling, and with the other hand holding the landline. The line is then thrown out over the water, using both hands, in a circular motion rather as in hammer throwing. The net can be cast from the shore, or by wading, or from a boat.
There are also optional net throwers that can make casting easier. These look like a trash can lid with a handle on top. They have a deep groove around the outside edge. The thrower is loaded with the net around the edges and weights inside the gulley. The net is then tossed into the water using the thrower.

"Only strong people can manually lift the larger nets once they are filled with fish."
- We ourselves have to be "strong" in the inside.

Does that mean that we got to be strong first, then ask our friends?
No, that is not the idea. If it is, then no one can first take the first step. But when we are weak, He makes us strong too. It just means that we must always constantly depend on Him. Praying and fasting is important, at least that is what I see.

"Casting is best done in waters free of obstructions. Reeds cause tangles and branches can rip nets."
- Obstructions from the Devil WILL definitely come. That is why when we ask our friends, our loved ones, it just seem so difficult. Because casting nets must be in waters free of obstructions.

So how do we get the obstructions off?
Definitely, intercession IS important le. Without that, tangles and ripping and conflicts arise.

"The line is then thrown out over the water, using both hands, in a circular motion rather as in hammer throwing."
- Both hands are needed. Because it takes all our effort to love our friends and our family. Circular motion is a "whole" concept. We accept the whole of people and not hammer at the weaknesses of people.

Maybe it seems weird to some people who are reading this post. But this is just a revelation of what I got from prawn fishing yesterday. Thank you, Gillian for inviting me.

And to Janis who read the post before this, thank you for your encouragement. I am better le. :)

141008

2008-10-14T14:01:00.003+08:00

Just now had a lunch meeting with a friend. I saw her pale face and asked her what happened. She told me that she had a sleepless night yesterday. So I proceed to ask her why she had a sleepless night.

She told me that it is nothing. So I waited until when we sat down and ate. I asked again.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because I am concerned."

"All these while, I have been staying alone. I have been an independent person. I don't really see the point of sharing. What does sharing do when it doesn't solve a problem?"

"Well, sharing doesn't solve a problem. But it relieves a burden, right? For example, I ask you a Physics question. A mass of 50 kg being supported by a straw. How much pressure does the straw face? If now 4 straws support the same mass of 50 kg, how much pressure will the straws face?"

"Well, if I am a rock, I will want a stronger rock who is more independent than me and can help to solve my problem. A straw can't do that."

"What if it is a metal straw?"

"I never see a metal straw before."

"You have not even seen my heart. How do you know my heart exists?"

"(Mumbling something)"

The conversation ended.

To me, it goes to tell me that I am a person who is not a problem solver. In fact, after what she says, I feel that I am a childish person in my thoughts and ways. That is why I hardly can be a salt and light of the world.

When he asks whether before SOT and after SOT,

"Have we changed?" "I did not see the difference before and after SOT." "Why is that?"

After linking all what he says and what she says, yes, they are right. I have not changed. I am still the same old me. I am still trying to avoid reality.

After my secondary school days, I avoid subjects which need memorising. I memorise the whole entire history textbook in my O-level period before exams and that is considered a big feat to me. Since then, anything that needs memorising, I will try to avoid.

That is why after reading so many books, none of the knowledge I can fully utilise. Because I did not even try to put it into my mind.

I tried to avoid family gatherings. That is where big time persecution comes. You can feel the rejection straight away.

When I watch Naruto, I can identify with him. But I am not as strong as him.

I tried to avoid friend gatherings.

"What are you working as?"

"Full time tutor."

"Oh."

The things which they say are so irrelevant to me. I can't discuss or share my insights.

Why are you not bringing friends to church?"

Each time I hear that, I wanted to say: "That is because I have no friends that I can bring."

I am still a selfish me. I can never attain the level I want to be.

Sometimes, I thought to myself, why can't I bring friends?

That is because all these while, I seem nice natured. Christianity has not brought any changing transformations to my nature.

But what they are seeing now is a person who still wants to cling on to his dreams without letting go to the reality that we are facing now. Why would they want to come? Since this is what Christianity brings.

But after today, I told myself that I want to be strong in my mind. My body may be physically weak but my mind must be strong, very strong.

Many people asked me why I can't eat more to be fatter. I also don't know why. But after my operation when I was 3 days old, I never have a chance to grow fat. And even right now, my stomach don't feel well. No one knows how I feel in my body now, not even my parents.

Few times a day, I will feel a pain in my sides. At first, I ignored it. But it seems worse and worse. Fearing the worst, I went to see the doctor. Thank God that it is not liver or kidney cancer. But he says that it could be the winds that is causing the pain. But I can check if I want.

For the time being, I just see how things go.

131008

2008-10-13T11:42:00.001+08:00

Just realise that my friend is one of the choices for the Top Entrepreneur of the Year 2008 in Asia. Wow... Been a great honour to know her.

Aileen Sim
http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/10/1008_asia_young_entrepreneurs/22.htm

071008

2008-10-07T19:00:00.004+08:00

Hopes gone, Dreams shattered!

Today, I really really really want to give a good report of today's interview but sigh! Now, I just want to vent out all my frustrations by writing down bah...

In the morning about 6 am, I woke up excited... Today is the day that my destiny could be changed. My dreams of 12 years could be fulfilled which is being a teacher. And which school is that? NUS High School. Wow... Haha... Super super excited.. Before I went off to the interview, I even had a slight stomachache because I was too super nervous le... But it is ok... I took cab down, praying and hoping that the traffic is smooth. Thank God that it is smooth.

So in the end, I reached around 9.50 am for the 10 am interview. I passed my identity card to the female security officer. Then I exchanged for the visitor pass and went in. Woah...

At the reception counter, I told a person that I am here for the interview. The person told me that she is a visitor. Oops... After that, I realised that she is a parent. So I told the receptionist that I am here for the interview. She was puzzled. I told her that I am looking for Mr Tan. She was puzzled again. I was like: "Huh? You don't even know that there is an interview for Mr Tan." Later she turned around and asked her colleagues. She then asked me whether I am Mr Alex. "Yup, I am" ( The Naruto grin and smile ). Another colleague came and asked for my certificates. I passed all of them to her and she asked me to wait for Mr Tan to come.

Mr Tan came. He is the assistant head of the Mathematics Department. He told me that there would be two interviews. If I have passed through his first interview, I have to pass through another round of interview with the senior management. I was like "wow..." I went into the meeting room 2.

I took a seat. He said that today, I will be knowing about the school and he knowing about me. So I am prepared for the interview le as I have read much of the website. He flipped through my resume, qualifications.

"Why did you apply for NUS High?"

"I wanted to teach. Teaching has been my passion since I am 15. In my JC, I studied Maths. In Uni, I studied Maths. All for the aim of being a teacher one day."

"Why did you not apply for mainstream teaching? Hmm... Like NIE?"

"I did apply. I went to contract teaching. The teacher who assessed me, felt that I have a good student rapport, quite ok teaching style but I lack classroom management experience. But since then, I went to full time tutoring. Taught many students. Even went to Colombia Business School to teach mathematics. So ya..."

"Then did you apply again?"

"Yes, I did. But I have never passed through the interviews."

"Why is that so?"

"Hmm... The same reason as in there are a lot of applicants."

"Have you considered to do Masters?"

"Yup. I applied for Masters in NUS. But I lacked two years of relevant experience. So the application was not successful. But I am also planning to do PHD if it is possible."

"What kind of PHD?"

"Research."

"Oh, why not coursework?"

"I thought that research is more interesting."

"From your transcript, you studied applied mathematics. Which level do you think you can teach?"

"Level 1 to 2 perhaps."

"Can you teach A level maths?"

"I believe with one to two days of revision, I should be able to."

"This school specialises in teaching mathematics and science. The students are a gifted lot. By year 6, they might graduate with a masters. Can you handle that? As in, expand their potential."

"I am sure I can."

"The teachers here mentor students in research. What kind of research will u be leading them?"

"Research? Hmm... ( Shucks, I never prepare this kind of question. God, help me now...) Maybe, I can lead them to research in network optimisation?"

"More specific?"

"Non-linear programming. As in the number of ways from one place to the another place on a non-euclidean geometry plane. ( Shucks, what am I talking? Bullshitting la... )

"Hmm... ok. ( puzzled look ). "Which level do you want to lead your students about the research?"

"Hmm.. Year 3?"

"Ok, the syllabus here are quite modular based. What kind of teaching will u teach?"

"Trigonometry?"

"You like trigonometry?"

"Yup, in fact I like the proving of identities. My university professor taught us about a proof which is why 1 + 1 = 2"

"Do you have any questions that you want to know about the school?"

"Hmm.. How are the programmes like?"

"NUS High School is a school which specialises in mathematics and science. It is quite a demanding school. In fact, we have students in year 3 who are taking university year 3 modules."

"Oh, (soft wow...)"

"Hmm... from your resumes, you don't have much credentials. And you don't have a teaching qualifcation. This school, you plan your own scheme of work, unlike mainstream schools."

"The advertisement says that I can still apply without a teaching qualification. And I have taught in Saint Gabriel before."

"Yup, it does say that you can apply. But comparing with the other candidates, hmm... What have you learnt from Saint Gabriel?"

"I have learnt to design my lessons based on the scheme of work. I have assisted in CCA such as floorball."

"What kind of CCA are you interested in?"

"NPCC?"

"Oh, uniformed group?"

"Yes, in fact, even interact club or rotaract club also ok. Charity based organisation."

"Ok. Do you have any other questions regarding the school?"

"Not actually."

"Ok, thank you Alex. (Standing up.)

"Last question. Have you applied for other schools other than this school?"

"Yes, I did. SOTA."

"School of arts, teaching maths?"

"Yup."

"How about the schools which bypassed the A levels?"

"I have applied for ACS."

"Independent?"

"Yup."

"But I will be most interested in teaching here since I am majoring in mathematics and this is a good school to teach."

"Yup, if you have been successful, you will be notified. Bye."

"Bye."

(Turning to the security guard)

"How is the interview?"

"Sigh! Don't think it is successful."

"Pray hard."

"Thank you."

And so I left with a heavy heart....

180908

2008-09-18T10:13:00.003+08:00

Recently, went to Marcus and Wanhua's ROM. If you have read my previous blogs, the girl that I am referring to is this couple. Guess that I should move on le.. Anyway, no pictures of me and them yet. But I have taken with Marcus. He looks so cool. Haha... Guess that marriage doesn't only beautify a girl but it coolifies a guy too... haha...
Hayato returned back on a Monday morning at 1 am. I think I would miss him and Hiroshi and the rest of the Japanese SOT students lots... My time which has been used for translation has been gone too.. My role in cg seems to have diminished too. If I really do have a chance to go to Japan, I would. If there is a job there, I definitely would. But I think I consider myself to be a lazy person bah. To learn japanese on my own is very tough. Excuses and more excuses. Unless I am once more motivated by 12 years ago "the motivation force", I think to learn Japanese, it would take quite a while.
What do I mean by the motivation force? 12 years ago, when I was in Sec 3, I suddenly went crazy and studied really very hard for my mathematics because I got 50 plus for my maths and science in Sec 2. Because of the fact that I went to art class. None of the people I know went to art class with me. And also I cannot take the fact that I got A* for PSLE and yet I got so little. That is cause I was still playing computer games at that time. Quite cocky. I was so so so motivated by this that throughout the 2 years, I was doing mathematics constantly. 3 E maths textbook and 1 A maths textbook. It is crazy. But I think that it is worth the effort bah.

And right now, busy finishing up all the Mid year papers of 2008 school papers to give my students the extra practice for their O level...

110908 - part 3

2008-09-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

I really never would have thought I would have this part of the entry. But I think I cannot forget this... Today, Melvin preached on integrity. It might not be much. cause integrity is not based on knowledge but based on who that person is. Only a person with integrity can preach a message on integrity. Because this topic is based on the inner side of man.

However, what impresses me today is of a powerful revelation I have gotten from Melvin. My mind is completely washed away by the currents and torrents of this revelation. To link Arminian and Calvinistic approach with integrity is a bit strange. But he linked it very well. And I would never have thought that these two approaches on looking at God CAN be linked with integrity.

Ok, what is the Calvinistic approach? It is an approach whereby theologians believed that God has planned everything for us, and we are walking along this path without the choice of deviating from this path. If we are saved, it is because God has planned it to be. If we are not saved, that is also cause God has planned it to be.

For Arminian approach, theologians believed that God know who is saved. People has the free will to get themselves saved, and God will allow that choice to happen.

For a person of no integrity, he can say that he is meant not to be saved according to the Calvinistic approach. So he sees no point of changing for the better. Or he can say that he has the free will whether to change anot and God will follow his choice according to Arminian approach. That is a dangerous mindset.

God is of two approaches. He is not Calvinistic nor Arminian. He is God. Thus, to think in this dangerous mindset is placing all responsibilities on God instead and places no desire to change. This is a powerful revelation. Thank you, Melvin for all that you have shared.

110908 - part 2

2008-09-11T14:11:00.003+08:00

Today I just finished the birthday card for a particular someone in the cell group. Tough sia, especially when the standard of birthday cards in our cell group is super high. Here are the pictures.

110908 - part 1

2008-09-11T13:59:00.011+08:00

Few days since I have blogged. Latest update:

Aiko and her members came to Singapore. I went out with them and it is great. It has been a long time since I saw her. I miss her a lot.

050908

2008-09-05T22:38:00.003+08:00

Recently, I watched this drama. "1 litre of tears" . It is only the second episode but my eyes are watery le... Because it is so saddening to see the actress dying as time goes by. This is a real life story.. The disease is spinocerebellar degeneration disease. You can check using Wikipedia. The person I am referring to is a girl called Aya. 15 years old. Sigh!

040908

2008-09-04T11:22:00.007+08:00

Yesterday night went out with Fiona, Eujean, Ying, William, Kay Boon, Eunice, her bf and Hayato. It is a night of celebration, I guess. Drank much but of course we are not drunk. I drank Asahi, apple martini and 5 bottles of Heineken. I was drowsy but still sober on the taxi. Sent Fiona and Eujean back. They are too tired le... AFter sending them back, I went home, thinking a lot. But these thoughts will be penned down in a later time. So a moment after I went to bed, I vomitted. Shucks... First time vomit after drinking beer... The feeling is hmm... not that kind of feeling I thought I would have... hangover or anything... dont have... It is just a normal biological reaction to the beer I have been drinking... Guess that I am not suitable to drink... haha...

190808

2008-08-19T15:39:00.005+08:00

Yet another talk by Bobby about dating. Why can't they let me alone? I hated listening to such things le... Pastor talked about this. Prime minister talked about this. Bobby talked about this. I want to reject this. I don't want to hear it anymore. I getting sick over such stuff le.

Few days ago, my cell group leader wanted to talk to us. He mentioned that after SOT, he would want to talk to us about some stuff he observed. Each time when he said that, my heart dropped. Again, another scolding. Sometimes I feel that God is a angry God up there. I think partially is due to this too. But anyway, that is not the main point. Discipleship is indeed a process that all of us have to go through to get to maturity. Somehow, I feel that I might drop out on the journey. And at that time, it may be too late to apologise for anything le.

The joy of the Lord has left me since I don't totally trust you le. My innermost desire has been crushed, shattered and destroyed. Dreams are gone, no matter is teaching or having a relationship. No matter what people says, I can't reconcile myself anymore le.

Sometimes, I was there thinking:

Melvin is spiritual, humorous and intellectual. Why aren't girls liking him? My guess is that there is, but just that girls on par with him are few, way too few le.

Eujean is humorous, has a good heart. Many girls like him. I got someone to share that she has a very good impression of him when she met him for the first time.

Aaron has a fit body and willing to help whenever there is needed. Why will he and his ex break up?

The few guys I mention above are way way way much better than me, no matter is appearance or spiritual. There are so many people who are better than me. No wonder my case is the rejected case. If I can count the cases, I think maybe a 4 digit number le... Haha...

If I want to talk objective about myself, the good points are:

1) You know how to speak Japanese

Indeed, it looks like a plus. But it is not. Mine is a JLPT 4, a very simple basic conversational Japanese. I can't even translate what Yah lan wants to ask the Japanese. I need to enlist the help of Nicole. When the Japanese ministry comes up, I wonder what help I can offer to Naomi. Sigh!

2) Your mathematics is good

This is the only point that I think I am really good in. But when girls know that I major in Mathematics, their response is always very typical. "Oh, I hate maths in secondary school." So typical answer. To get to like me, I personally think that it is similar to asking them to like Maths.

3) You are intellectual

Haha... whenever someone says I am intellectual, I will think in my heart that, "Thank you for the compliment, but in actual fact, I am not. I am just someone who likes to reason. Information stored in my brain are all useless.

"What do you know about cars?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the latest fashion?"
Hmm... dont know much.

"What do you know about the current affairs?"
Hmm.. How to say huh?

What I have in my brain are all: We live in a solar system, where we have 8 planets and a sun. and blah blah blah...

So what good points do I have that can appeal to girls? None.

Oh, suddenly remember one more guy.
He writes in his blog that no one likes him. No one wants him to be her bf. I don't think so.
I liked this girl. She liked him. I liked another girl. She also liked him.
It is not that he doesn't have the choices, it is just that he doesn't want them at all.

Going to sleep ...
Transforming back to PC again...

Pastor always says to do what I am good at.
I am good in mathematics. But I am not good in talking. I think from today onwards, I am not going to talk so much le. This is really a fake Alex. I am just doing for the sake of doing.

Sleeping ...

180808

2008-08-18T19:59:00.002+08:00

My once good friend, Marcus is getting married le... Congrats to him... Though I feel quite uncomfortable since his wife to be is my ex girlfriend. Before jumping to any conclusions, he and her dated long long long time after she and I parted off in our separate ways. When he says that he wanna pass the card to me, I was there thinking whether I should take anot. Maybe I will take but I don't think I am that comfortable to go since I have been to another one's wedding. And that made me totally totally uncomfortable.

Actually wanna complain more, pity myself more. But I think for me, I will bury all these, put it in my heart and see how things go. I really not in the mood of anything le. Even when I am going to graduate from SOT, I am not as excited as what I thought I should be. I do hope that my application to the Japan embassy will be successful and my parents agree to it. In that way, I can leave here and go Japan for 1 year.

160808

2008-08-16T00:34:00.002+08:00

Asked her out. But rejected. Actually, I think she might know something le. But then she and I really don't have any connections at all. We don't talk on the phone but always msn each other. Few weeks le. Knowing her more. But realise that the distance between her and me can never get close.

I cried once more. Hurt not because I was broken by the grace of God. But broken by the circumstances that I am facing.

If I am to like someone, what are the chances of her liking me?

Almost equivalent to zero percent.

It is sad, but it is true.

She might not even know this. In the midst of talking to her on msn, I was writing this.

But I don't blame anyone lah.

If I start from appearances, I am thin. Real thin. I saw myself on this video of me preaching. Oh no, it is so horrible. I thought I am seeing a walking stick camel. My hunchback is so obvious. No wonder, for the first impression, girls don't really be attracted to me la... Cause I am so so so not pleasing to the eye.

If I start from communications, I don't talk a lot. I listen. But I don't talk. I realise that I am similar to Pastor on this fact. I will talk a lot when I have to. Tuition, birthday celebrations or motivating people. Or else I will just shut up. Cause I don't have any intelligient topics 2 talk about..

If I start from character, God knows how bad I am in the inside. I might appear ok on the outside but I am still bad. Sometimes I wonder whether I am a good testimony.

In the session, I was asked to write few names. There is this name I want to write. But I don't dare to. Why would I want to write? I have been rejected. Do I want to be rejected again?

Alex, have you noticed that I have never been a real success in relationships?

I have never been and I might never have been.

110808

2008-08-11T23:12:00.006+08:00

More pictures taken from Eujean camera ...

YL zone...
Team 27 ...

Common identity - Team 27

Part 2

Part 3

100808

2008-08-10T19:04:00.033+08:00

From Friday to Sunday, I went for mission trip at Batam.

Me and this taiwanese girl ( I dunno her name )Me and Jennifer ( Beauty Pegeant Champion of Batam Emerge 08 )

SOT Melvin helpers and Melvin

Me, eujean and Hiroshi on our return trip to Singapore

Me and my new attire

Choir, BVs, and the Musicians

Me and Taiwanese student, Peirong - She is a potential cell group leader of Pastor's Wayne's church.

Taiwanese students, Peiling and Ya Ge and Me - order from left

Me and Alexander ( He is the security IC - Don't mess with him )

Me and Hayato

Me n YingKathy and I - She wants to pose with my weight being 45 kg

Me and the Singapore flag

Golden lampstand - being shown practically to me

The glory of God

It is so bright which my hp camera cannot take. I think only Aaron's camera might have the chance to take

Me and Qiuling

Melvin and I

Fiona and Wenshan - Wenshan is doing her makeup

The breakfast at Grand Park hotel

The ceiling of the Church

The stage of the Church

Banners are hung all around the Church

It even has a second floor

More banners

Indeed, it is the House of Prayer for all nations

On our way to Church

Just left Batam checkpoint

I and Wenshan on a ferry to Batam

Singapore looks so small now

Team 27 on our way to Batam!

050808

2008-08-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel so lonely, not alone. But lonely. This feeling comes so strong I sometimes want to be alone, thinking things which I don't know what I am thinking about. I would think over the things I have learnt, the things which people has asked me, the things which I dunno about. I would just think and think. It is not a good habit. Because to think without acting wastes efforts.

But I think that the main point is lonely. So what if I like a girl? It would take me a long long time to know her and her to know me. And moreover, I don't even fit into her any one of the criteria. If someone gonna give me advice on this, I think I appreciate the effort. But pls don't. I heard many times and many people have heard or seen this le. I just want to complain somewhere online... to make my feelings known. But it will still turn out void in the end.

Good night!

030807

2008-08-03T11:17:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, I went to FOP 2008. ( Festival of Praise 2008 ). What is this festival? It is a festival whereby churches gather to a place to praise and worship God, leaving behind denominations, leaving behind differences between churches. All we want is just to praise and worship our Great God. It is a good event. In fact, it should be encouraged for all churches to attend FOP.

Before I joined the queue, I went to Leisure park with Jeremy. And I was there playing my favourite basketball arcade with him. This is the first time I scored so high. So behold my score...

I joined the queue at around 4.30 pm and FOP starts at 7.30 pm. But it is a crowd of multitudes waiting to go in le...

I also took picture with Omega, the lead worship singer of Parachute Band.

One of their songs :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB1PJc8mU9s

200708

2008-07-20T22:00:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have fallen sick. In fact, I have fallen sick since Thursday. That is a total of 4 days. At the age of 27. I need about 4 days to feel much better. Wow... That is not gd sia. I really must exercise to have a gd standard of fitness.

Actually, also wanted to write also about my MOE interview. Sigh! Unsuccessful again. Think I can try again and again.

150708

2008-07-15T20:18:00.002+08:00

I was watching a drama on the bus. It talks about this married couple. Ivy Lee who is the actress wanted to divorce this actor Zheng Geping. Reason is because Zheng Geping went to find a prostitute. But it was then found out then it was not. Everything is all a misunderstanding. But she still wanted to divorce him because she felt that he is a good for nothing. She felt that he is a boy in a man's body. All these boils down to communication. The guy thought that she is happy being with him. Never did he know that she is suffering all these problems of managing.

Every relationship has a problem of its own. Why would I want to start one and create more problems for myself? Thought for the day?

060708

2008-07-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

English translation for Sunny day by Fujiki Kazue

What spilled out
Wasn’t a tear but a praying voice
What I looked up at
Was the sun above the clouds
I was living like
I was asleep
I was always alone
Until the day
I met you
I was always, always here
Even if there’s a love song
I could sing by myself
This warmth from the touch of your arms
Can’t be found alone
If I had put on a mask
Then I felt
I might have forgotten
I shut away my memories
And locked them in a box
Even in that dark place
I was able to find you
Even if I can’t return
I’ll keep going farther, farther
Even if there’s a love song
That recalls loneliness
I can’t reach it alone
So I’ll walk out once more
Toward the door to tomorrow
With you…
I’ll transform sadness
Into kindness
And someday
Once I’ve set my true self free
The pain will disappear
I know it
I don’t need a love song
I can sing by myself anymore
I can’t find it alone
But with you
I know
We can find a place where the sun shines
A tomorrow I’ve never seen

Recently, I have been attracted to her song.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BU6NDfTFT_A

030708

2008-07-03T17:04:00.002+08:00

Thank you for reading my blog. To think that someone will bother to read my blog. After today MOE Interview, a flood of questions came to my mind. Is this really my will or God's will to teach? Time and time again, this question has been challenging me. I am really not as determined as the coach in "Facing the giants".

Before the Interview, I heard the Holy Spirit telling me that I am a person of persistance. Try thinking on my part.

The mathematics which I value so much. How many hours did I put in to improve my mathematics? Definitely not a task for average people.

My driving licence. Which i blogged it few months ago. I failed 3 times and finally I got it. Is this tiring? Of course, it is. So what did persistance pay for? My licence.

But I am really very tired le. I really don't want to face the same interviewees and face the same questions which I always stutter. I don't know whether I should tell the truth or whether I should tell a lie. Or should I tell the whole truth? It is getting impossible, God.

"It is impossible with man, but with God, all things are possible."

Anyway, just wanna say this bah.

240508

2008-05-25T08:14:00.011+08:00

I went for my first mission trip today. It is so great a fun. After 4 years, I finally have the chance to step out of Singapore. Though it is a near place, Johor Bahru, I am totally excited. I learnt about assembling the sound equipment though I believe I need more practice and though the people is not many, but I can sense great faith in each and every one of them.

I was helping to entertain a 8 old year old child. His name is Nelson. We talked for some time, played for half hour or so. A creative idea which is to ask him to take 10 pictures and connect it to a story. It is very difficult for him. He could manage up to 3 pictures but it is ok. Because as long as he has fun, that's good enough. I treated him to soup and milo too... Boy, did I not expect that he opened up to me. Told me that his father has a affair and his parents about to divorce. From the mouth of an 8 yr old, I can feel his confusion and troubled within him. At a tender age of 8, I at that time is more innocent than all these. Do pray that he will get stronger.

Pictures -

A bit similar to Aaron, rite?

Nelson ( I asked him to play dead for my story line on the 10 pictures )

City Harvest Outreach JB at Tropical Inn

Louis Koo alike?!

Eujean n I for the first mission trip to JB! Yeah!

Malaysia Checkpoint

Morning wake up veri blurry...

230508

2008-05-25T08:02:00.002+08:00

Someone told me to update my blog and now here it is. This whole entire week, I have been having mock cell group and it is indeed very enjoyable, learning the different ways of doing the different segments of a cell group and also receiving fresh revelations from fellow SOT students.

My sermon:

Halleluah! Who enjoyed the testimonials just now? Before we begin, let’s close our eyes and commit this time to the Lord. Amen. Turn to your neighbours and say, “You will enjoy the Word later.” Friends, in life we have many crossroads. And when you reach the crossroad, do you have the faith to move forward or do you not? So what does it mean to have faith at the crossroads of your life? This is my message title this morning. What does it mean to have faith at the crossroads of your life?

Let’s open the Bible to our first passage this morning. Joshua 2

Now this is a story about Joshua sending two spies and in the midst of spying, they chanced upon Rabab. Because of Rahab’s faith, her entire household was saved from the destruction of Jerico.

(Look with me to Joshua 2: 2-4)

The first meaning - 1) Faith means seeing the Bigger Picture

Rahab was a harlot. She was a prostitute. She could be a materialistic woman. When the king knew about the 2 spies, he was willing to give huge rewards for their heads. In the past, Rehab could have bought a storeroom of Chanel bags but now with the reward, she can buy a palace of Chanel bags for her to even swim into. But did she reveal the location of the 2 spies? No, she did not. She saw a bigger picture than all these material possessions. She knew that these possessions could not satisfy her happiness. She saw God as the solution to her heart. And that is what faith is about. Seeing a bigger picture. Abraham saw the number of descendants he could have. Even though he has no son yet. Moses saw a land beyond the Red Sea though the Sea is preventing the Israelites from crossing over. These are the heroes of faith. The present might not be rosy but they looked on to the future for faith holds on to hope for the future no matter how bad the circumstances may be at the present.

Second meaning -

2) Faith means taking action.

James 2:17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. Rahab is a woman of faith. But as a woman of faith, did she ignore the 2 spies when the king was looking for them? No. She brought them up to the roof, she let them down by a rope through the window. She told them to go to the mountain to hide. She bound the scarlet cord in the window. All these take action. Faith is not just a fact, but it is also an act. What does it mean to have faith at the crossroads?

Third meaning –

3) Faith means trusting and believing.

Ulf Ekman once said, “The day the believer really believes will spell the end of the devil’s influence of his or her life.” Go with me to Joshua 2: 21

Personally, I learnt this lesson from God last year. My parents went to China last year and I wanted to surprise them by welcoming them when they returned. I woke up late. Their arrival time is 8 am. And I woke up at that time itself. I rushed down to take a cab but there are no cabs in sight. After 20 minutes, I went back home, complaining and grumbling to myself repeatedly why I am so stupid that I wake up late. As I am about to step out from the lift, I heard a distinct voice of God telling me that I could step out and spend the whole day grumbling about myself or step back to believe and trust in Him. So I did. I went down again. A taxi stopped in front of me. When I was traveling, I prayed that it will not be a case of I on the journey towards the airport and my parents on the journey back home. I reached the airport at 8.40. At that time, there are no bags on the belt but I still trusted. Somehow my head turned to the wine shop and there my parents coming out from the shop. It is a “coincidence” that my desire is fulfilled. From that day on, I know that faith is really about trust in God. So friends, do you want to step out and venture on your own or step back in to the embrace of God, believing that everything will work out fine? I leave you with this question to ponder upon. Let’s close our eyes in prayer.

Pictures of mock cell group venue:

140408

2008-04-14T21:57:00.003+08:00

Today I talked with a helper in Joshua's cg. She gave me her revelation and I was quite astounded by it. She talks that she saw a image of a see saw. And Joshua was on the top and the rest of the members are behind. As this see saw is sloping, it gets harder to maintain it on top and some members might in turn slide it downwards.

From her description, I was thinking about the intimacy that we have with God. As you start out, the gradient towards God is gradual. Stepping out towards Him is easy. The longer you start on this relationship with God, we find that it becomes a exponential curve. Satan will try all means to push you down away from God. The gradient is steeper, we are crying more out for God. That is why it is never easy to be on the top. We got to respect and honour our elders in the body of Christ.

Image of exponential curve:

130408

2008-04-13T22:17:00.003+08:00

"All has been forgiven. I love you and Jesus love you. "

No matter whether I am right or wrong, I still have to apologise. Though I like the song: It's too late to apologise, it is never too late to apologise. So I guess we shall all move on from here le.

130408

2008-04-13T00:24:00.002+08:00

Feel quite bothered inside me. I do not know who to talk to since it seems that I am now at fault. What actually happened?

Few weeks ago, I told someone that I can sponsor his/her course materials. Today another person told me that that someone is not happy about me because I don't mean what I say. The someone has told me that he/she is borrowing materials. And my response is: "Oh ok, who are you still searching for the materials?" I did not tell him/her that I can sponsor the materials. Is that what I am supposed to say? It seems that when I did not mention it, it seems to the someone that I don't really mean that I am sponsoring. I thought that it is quite normal to ask me whether my deal still stands mah.

Isn't that what it is mentioned in the Bible? God's blessings are for us to receive. We have to ask for it and we can have it. It never mentions about God asking us about what we want, then God will give us.

But well, maybe all of what I think are excuses. If I did not mean it, I did not mean it.
Hmm... well, I guess I should go and sleep. And hopefully, I can just forget about all these.

070408

2008-04-08T06:41:00.010+08:00

Today is the first day of SOT. We have our administration first. Soon after, orientation starts. As you can see, we went to many places in Singapore. I felt so so so tired. Don't know whether I too old for it or what. But this is a different orientation than those which I have attended last time. What is so different, you may ask?

Wenshan, our team leader sprained her ankle. And the whole lot of us prayed for her at Kembangan. And it is in tongues somemore. I always thought we shouldn't do that in the open. But well, when I see everyone saying, I also joined in. Another team also joined in to pray for her too. I guess there isn't a time I have seen before people praying for other people in an orientation lor. Guess this is my first time. :)

Chinese Garden. Game: Scissors, Paper and Stone. My hair being gelled. No pic for that. Haha..

Expo. Playing captains's ball.

12 contact points ONLY? for 16 people. At Kembangan.

Hollywood Church. Now changed to a supermarket. ( At Paya Lebar) Decorate the Ice Kacang game. This is done near our old Hollywood church. Had some games at around 7 plus at Boon Keng area. ( Towner Road in fact ) - pic 1 Had some games at around 7 plus at Boon Keng area. ( Towner Road in fact ) - pic 2

Finally, a long awaited dinner at Chong Pang Seafood restaurant at Boon Keng

060408

2008-04-06T22:35:00.004+08:00

Sashiburi!

It means: It has been a long while.

I guess from today onwards, my blog will be more exciting as I am going SOT. There will definitely be many obstacles I have to face and through it all, my faith in God will definitely increase.

So well, today I went to children church for my ministry. They are still cute as ever. Haha...

Art and craft done by some of the children:

100308

2008-03-10T14:47:00.002+08:00

The best servant you can find is not in the actions they do, but in the attitude they put in.

I do not want to study God's word, I want to study God's heart.

Strangely enough, I suddenly have these two thoughts this morning. Though I think I did something not wise again. But true true, they are indeed the words I should embrace from today on.

090308

2008-03-09T23:39:00.002+08:00

It has been 1 month and 4 days le since I blogged. I am out of action for quite a while. I think that I have been quite stagnant for a while as I have been giving tuition everyday. No changes, no growth.

Today wanna want to blog cause tml is my birthday. And I had an eventful day today. i went to children church. I saw one kid of mine. It has been 2 yrs since I met him and his sister. His sister now sec 1 le. When he saw me, he was like quite surprised. He and his sister were wondering how come I disappeared. Maybe I backslide from children church. Hee... Anyway, it is a good thing that I saw my children. Hee...

Then after that, went to Jeremy's birthday celebration. Basically, I am there to help out. Helped out with the decorations. I believe that it is a great success because there is no rain. God is a good God.

Then I rushed to Huiqi's sister's wedding dinner. She is my ex. When I saw her and her husband, I felt a sense of helplessness. Since I have given up, what can I do? Emotions rushed into my mind. I kept drinking wine, hoping that the emotions are numbed. But too bad, I can't. Cause I know that I should not do that. But well, I am at home now. No point thinking so much. Anyway, it will definitely be a better day tml!

040208

2008-02-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

Today a interesting conversation was taking place in my japanese class. The teacher was talking about steamboat. And the japanese translation for it is nabei ryuri. When she mentioned nabei, some guys were laughing. The teacher was so confused. Then they told her it is a bad word in Singaporean terms. She frantically erased it and apologised for it. It is quite comical to see this kind of situation. This shows the difference in culture in language classes.

290108

2008-01-29T09:59:00.000+08:00

Few days ago, I heard this song. It quite struck a chord with me. I believe that most of my cg members should know what the song is. The title is "It's too late to apologise."

Is it really too late to apologise?
When is the best time to apologise?
Immediately after the offence has happened? Or few days after the offence? Or few weeks? Or few months? Or few years? Or few decades?

For me, personally, the best time to apologise is Not to ever had the chance to apologise. I really pray that I don't offend anyone because of my character. But if I offend anyone because of God, then I gotta learn from Jesus.

"I am sorry". These three words are the toughest words in the universe. Because it really takes someone to strip off his or her pride and humble himself or herself. Of course when I say these 3 words, the tone must be done in a sincere mode. If you just say these 3 words without meaning it, then these 3 words has no meaning at all.

Nice song.
It can be found on http://youtube.com/watch?v=lfSENQXJDTk.
Enjoy!

210108

2008-01-21T22:36:00.001+08:00

The only time I believe that the Bible could be wrong

It is not actually wrong, in consideration to the time that the Word is written. But if I wanted to scrutinise it, then wrong is wrong. Anyway, according to 1 King 7:23, "And he made the Sea of cast bronze, ten cubits from one brim to the other; it was completely round. Its height was five cubits, and a line of thirty cubits measured its circumference."

According to this verse, the diameter is 10 cubits. And the circumference is 30 cubits. So according to the formula "Circumference = Pi x Diameter." This implies that Pi is 3. A rough approximation of pi, this is correct. But if we consider the accuracy of it, then this is wrong le.

But of course, this can be argued in many ways. But well, just wanna write here. Cause it is amazing that the Bible also talks about mathematics too. The Bible talks about all aspects if you really read it carefully. :)

180108

2008-01-18T09:21:00.000+08:00

Offering Message - 170108

John 6:4-12
4 Now the Passover, a feast of the Jews, was near. 5 Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” 6 But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do. 7 Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.” 8 One of His disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to Him, 9 “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?” 10 Then Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. 11 And Jesus took the loaves, and when He had given thanks He distributed them to the disciples, and the disciples[a] to those sitting down; and likewise of the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 So when they were filled, He said to His disciples, “Gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.”

Now, this is a familiar passage which some or even all of us know, that this is Jesus feeding the 5000. It is mentioned in the 4 gospels and is widely known throughout the world. It is even mentioned in the movie, "The Warlords." However, today I am going to talk about these two characters, Philip and Andrew.

Philip is a calculative person, a mathematical person, a logical person. He, like some of us, when confronted with a problem, will think of the steps to solve a problem. So when Jesus asked Philip, "Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?", Philip was thinking to himself. Hmm... I have 5000 men. They each have 1 wife each and 1 children. So that will make it 5000 women and 5000 children. That will make it to hmm... 15000 people altogether. Wow, it is a big logistic problem. Hmm... If I give each one of them a burger king meal, which costs $5 each, that will sum up to $75000. Wah... Do we have so much in the Treasury, Judas? Obviously, it is a no. So Philip was thinking, what can I do? What can we do? And even if I can cough out the money, it is so late a night, and is deserted in the wilderness. Can I find such a supply for all these people? After Philip has exhausted all his options, he and the disciples turned to Jesus, saying that they have to turn the multitudes away, so that they can find food for themselves. Of course, Jesus don't agree with that solution.

At that moment, which is the main point tonight, Andrew came, introducing a small lad to Jesus. Now, Andrew has faith. Small faith that he might have. But Jesus has said it, though your faith might be as small as a mustard seed, say to that mountain, and that mountain shall move. Yes, Andrew has doubts. Because he said to Jesus, what are they among so many? But this is a case of faith being stronger than his doubts. Friends, let's all have this kind of faith. Our faith should be stronger than our doubts. God's ability to use a gift is not determined by the size of the gift but by the sacrificial faithfulness by each one of us.

160108

2008-01-16T09:55:00.000+08:00

I am encouraged by the little sms that I have received yesterday. In fact, I was feeling discouraged when I know that the outing has so few people and only 1 new friend. But I am now encouraged by some of the members' sms.

"Thank you all for coming! I had fun! Hope you guys had 2. Its great to have a time of fellowship n get to know each other more. I felt that a little more time would be good. Let's put value to the things that are impt to us. :). All of you have a good rest! Cya Thursday! :) "

"Hey friends. Just wanna thank you all for making an effort to come for this outing even though some of us have busy schedule. Hope you guys enjoy the evening. :) "

And these two sms are in fact sent by the two persons which Melvin asked me to delegate the task of being in charge for the outing. I am glad that in the midst of enpowering people, I am too also encouraged by them.